~ Part Nine ~
For those of you who have no idea where they arrived, if you want any of this to make sense, start with me from the beginning.
I was petrified, I wasn’t expecting such a low hit from David, but I have to admit, he played his cards damn well.
It was for the first time I truly felt it deep inside me – my soul was hurting. Even today I clearly remember that moment, I hated David, I despised him, I wanted to make him suffer the way he made my heart bleed. I knew right there and then that was what I had to do, no matter what sacrifices it took. No matter whatever else I had in mind before, I had to break him down, I had to break all of them down because they were all the same.
I took the bullet with pride and responded to him:
I did, thank you.
Then I turned around and we got inside the club. Champagne greeted us at the door and we mingled with the crowd inside. I decided not to mention what just happened, I didn’t want to give David any satisfaction, so instead I changed the subject and told him to tell me a bit of the people in the room.
It wasn’t long until I forgot about David’s little surprise as I got lost in the scenery. Empowering men entered the room, each of them with a woman-prize holding their arm and to be sincere, it all seemed embarassing to me. Not that I was anywhere above them judging from the outside, but I knew better what was happening on the inside.
Yes, all those women were gorgeous, perfect bodies, perfect hair, perfect make-up, perfect fake smiles on their faces and a foolish arrogance in their movements. You could’ve easily see how proud they were because they just stepped on the red carpet and were the trophies of these stone cold men.
But I knew most of these women damn well, I had a part of them in me. I could’ve even spotted the dress’ tag on some of them, I could’ve smelled the rental on their clothes from afar. I’ve been there, I knew it very well. They were just a bunch of regular women trying to pose as queens of luxury, but I could’ve bet that some of them were tasting expensive champagne for the first time that night. It was all so amusing to me – the breast implants, the fake tan, the forced personalities, the fake everything. It was all just a huge show of who plays their part best.
But there I was, I had to get in the role, too. David introduced me to a lot of people and I embraced my plastic personality, but as soon as the first words came out of their mouth, I had already forgotten their names or the fact that I had to listen to them in any way. They presented no interest to me, all the fancy stories about their snob lives bored me to my very core.
I somehow managed to escape David and lost myself in the crowd. I went straight to a corner of the room to sip my drink quietly while I observe everything that was going on in that circus. It wasn’t long until a middle-aged man approached me. I have to say, even if he was at least ten years older than me, he looked damn charming. He raised his glass to me and said:
You’re not like the rest of them, you’re not trying to stand out.
Performing in this circus doesn’t interest me.
He genuinely laughed and made me give him a smile back, too and asked the right question, to be honest:
Then what are you doing here?
I’m with David.
There it was, he gave me the same arrogant laugh David gave me all the time. What the Hell was with that, some sort of symbol of the rich?
What’s so funny?
David’s a good little boy, but you’re a better big woman.
Was David really in fact a small fish in the pound, was I aiming too low? Or it was just their pleasure to mock all other men and make themselves feel superior? Because I remember David told me kind of the exact same words about my James Dean. I didn’t even got the chance to answer myself to all those questions as the man standing in front of me dropped the offer:
You should deal the cards for the real players, come see me some day.
I was never happier to see David come in a hurry towards me because I had no idea what to answer to that offer. It was all too much for one night and I didn’t understand what was going on. I mean, David already proved to me they could buy people, but this…this was something else. They were literally making transactions with each other’s women, they had no God, no respect, not a sense of remorse.
David put his hand on my back and the man laughed and said to David:
You should keep this one really close if you don’t want the history repeating itself.
What the Hell was that about? I couldn’t even get mad that he talked about me and in front of me like I was an object and not even present. I couldn’t help but wonder if what he just said was in a way connected with what Anna told me at the BDSM party, but I was well aware I wasn’t going to find out anything from David. Nevertheless, I took a chance and asked him:
The history repeating itself?
I felt him getting uncomfortable, all these meetings I started to have, first with Anna and now with this man, were unsettling for him. There was something beyond my mind imagined there, the man was hiding something I should’ve never found out and he was beginning to feel desperate because I already got too much hints. Yes, his darkest nightmare was becoming real, he was losing control and it was even more clear from what he further said:
Listen to me – anything you hear, you come to me first.
I remembered right then his little surprise from the beginning of the evening and I simply had to take the hit, I had to watch him killing himself with all those thoughts, I wanted to make him see how it feels to be tormented in your own head, so I made things even more unbearable for him:
What if I already heard too much?