The Pre-Date Date..Is It Really a Date?

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I was reading a blog post about a first meeting one girl had with a guy she met online.

Long story short…shes 58″, hes..not. She expressed her concern upfront about preferring taller guys. He replied with a witty response and won her over. Instead of shutting him down immediately because he didnt fit some ideal in her head, she decided it would be fun to meet him. Good for her! 

So they meet, the spark isnt there…and the check comes. He pays his half. The waiter comes and is about to take the tab when her date slides the bill over to her and says to the waiter “Were not done here.” She pays her half of the bill. They leave.

Now, some might say he was a bit of a douche. And I would be one of them. I mean, sliding the tab over to her was kind of..tactless. However, Im not really sure you can call what they had a date. It felt more to me like it was a meet and greet or “meet up.” I mean, they both knew there was a good chance there would be no spark.

I guess this could be said for most internet dates. I mean, you really dont know what the other person will look like or whether or not theyll be the person they were in email or over the phone. Should a person (the one who initiated the pre-date) still be required to pay if a bait and switch has taken place?

I hate to get all philosophical and everything, but if theres no chemistry is it really even a date? Wouldnt it be easier to assume that the preliminary meeting is merely to determine if an actual date should occur? In which case its not an actual date and both parties should expect to pay there own way. Obviously, if theres a noticeable spark and both parties sense it, then the person who did the asking should pay with the other person offering the tip or to pay for the cab they share to wherever each is going, etc.

The confusing part happens when theres obvious chemistry during that initial meet and greet. The coffee turns in to a walk or then a drink. Or a drink turns in to dinner.

Now, heres where it gets tricky.

Once the mutual attraction has been established and the pre-date has been extended or morphs in to something other than the original plan, in my opinion, its now a date. Ergo, (I love when I get to say that) the person who initiated that portion of the experience pays.

In summary:

  • Initial meeting with a new internet match = pre-date, not actual date
  • Pre-dates, because of how much is unknown, should never be assumed or considered actual dates and both parties should expect to go Dutch.
  • If a noticeable spark is prsent and both parties wish to proceed with an actual date, then its always wise for the person who did the asking to pay.
  • If mutual attraction has been established (through extended time together or an “added value” portion suggested) then the pre-date is now a date.
  • The person who initiated the “added value” portion of the get together pays for said “added value.” (i.e. dinner, movie tickets, the whole tab.)

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