You lead your own life by making the hard decisions that turn a vision into reality, such as what to neglect, who to let go, when to quit and who to trust, and 15 of them can make or break your future. Having a vision for your finances, health, relationships and lifestyle does not make you a leader. Making the decisions that realize that vision does. A bad leader avoids stepping on toes and forgets the bigger picture, while a good one walks straight through the tough times.
The script borrows lessons from well-known leaders and applies them to personal life. Each of the 15 decisions below will likely land on your desk at some point.
Watch the full video here, or skip to the breakdown below.
The 15 decisions at a glance
- Choosing what to neglect, for now (1:03)
- Letting go of people you like for the good of the mission (1:57)
- Embracing radical change when everything seems good enough (3:17)
- Choosing between innovation and stability (4:31)
- Choosing long-term vision over short-term gains (5:38)
- Taking full responsibility for failure (7:40)
- The decision to face conflict head-on (8:24)
- Shut down a project that is failing (9:19)
- Staying true to your principles in the face of popular backlash (10:39)
- Choosing who to put in charge (11:32)
- Investing in your personal development (12:23)
- The decision to step down from leading (14:04)
- Choosing to work with difficult but talented people (14:57)
- Building relationships, even with people you do not like (15:42)
- Deciding who you can trust (16:31)
- Bonus: Should you keep going or take a break?
1. Choosing what to neglect, for now
When Bill Gates was growing Microsoft, he gave up much of his personal life and has told stories of having no weekends or vacations. Building something that matters means being willing to give some things up.
You cannot give 100% of your effort and attention to every part of life. Be strategic about where your energy goes and for how long. Many people try to make a major change while giving everything else the same energy, which does not work.
Aim at one area, then ease off and aim at another, and repeat until everything has moved forward step by step.
2. Letting go of people you like for the good of the mission
An African proverb says: to go fast, go alone, to go far, go together, but make sure those you go with are the right people. This may be the toughest decision on the list.
At a company, people have homes and families depending on you, and the guilt of letting them go can eat at you. In your personal life, guilt comes with grief. Letting go of someone who is not doing the work for both of you to thrive also removes them from your future and changes your plans.
It takes a long time to see how much someone can hold you back from your life goals and values. It is sad, but it took all the strength you could muster and things can only go up from here.
3. Embracing radical change when everything seems good enough
A study by a consulting company found that highly innovative leaders outperform those who favor stability, with two times the delivery from new offerings. If you want results, you have to embrace radical change, especially when things are stable and going well.
Order leads to chaos eventually, and if you rest, chaos creeps up on you unprepared. Change brings some chaos, but at least you control it. Stagnation is worse and is the first step toward destruction.
If part of your life is going well, look for small, controlled changes you can make to it.
4. Choosing between innovation and stability
Innovation creates winners, but should you keep chopping and changing parts of your life? The companies that innovate best keep some core stability in certain areas while pushing in others.
If a routine has worked for months or years, what good would changing it do? Innovation is exciting but carries financial and other risks, while stability feels safe but can lead to stagnation.
The hard part is finding the balance and knowing when to lean into which. Only you will know, and the best leaders protect their assets while opening up new opportunities to grow.
5. Choosing long-term vision over short-term gains
Think of your life in decades, not quarters. Otherwise you land in your future with no idea how you got there. A business publication argues that a true leader gives up the comfort of immediate rewards for compounding long-term value, and your job is to create an exciting, unified long-term vision.
The trick is to switch where the joy comes from. Picturing the vision should give you the burst of excitement you usually get from hitting a goal, and hitting a goal should feel like finding one more puzzle piece in an unfinished picture.
Take the yearly trip abroad paid from your savings. Ask yourself whether you are willing to trade great memories for an uncertain and unstable future, every year.
6. Taking full responsibility for failure
Leaders who own failure, for themselves and their team, show the difference between a great leader and a mediocre one. There are no excuses in life or success. Standing in the middle of a failed mission and saying it is your fault is hard, but it opens a clearer path to eventual victory.
When something has not worked out for you, own your role in it. Blaming yourself is not the same as taking responsibility, since that is just feeling sorry for yourself. Acknowledge your part, gather the lessons and move on.
7. The decision to face conflict head-on
Robert Frost said the only way out is through. Conflict is uncomfortable and most of us are wired to avoid it, but a leader does not have that luxury. Left alone, it festers and disrupts the mission.
You need the courage for tough conversations with yourself and with people you love. Leaders who handle conflict well keep problems from escalating and stalling their momentum.
Ignore it and hope, and conflict controls you. Face it, and you get to decide how it ends.
8. Shut down a project that is failing
No matter how smart or careful you are, there will be times to give up on something you invested time, money and energy in. You can see it draining resources and slowing everything else. The hardest part is accepting that failure is sometimes part of the process, and knowing when to cut your losses is a leadership skill.
Look at your life and be honest about what is not working: a relationship, a job, a city you moved to. The excuse is always that you have already invested so much emotional energy and time.
But if you do not cut your losses now, you may end up spending every ounce of energy keeping it alive while you lose everything else. A great leader knows when to walk away.
9. Staying true to your principles in the face of popular backlash
Leading your own life can be lonely. Not everyone will understand your goals, and people with good intentions will try to make you bend. You may lose approval from some people, and that is the price of staying true to your principles.
It also explains why some leaders look stubborn under criticism: they know they have to stick to their principles. Letting go of approval is a treacherous step, but worth it when it helps you believe in yourself.
You have to stay bulletproof when people come for you, even loudly. If you are not authentic and do not trust your gut, you lose everything.
10. Choosing who to put in charge
The greatest leaders know they cannot do everything. They let go of the reins and choose the right people to take over. You cannot control everything in your life, and to reach your goals you need help.
That might mean letting a friend plan your next trip, asking a colleague for help, or hiring help at home and with children. It takes a village, and you go farther when you give others a chance to step up.
Leaders who do not delegate burn out and the business suffers, so there is not much of a choice here.
11. Investing in your personal development
Leaders think about what is coming next and where the market is heading. The same applies to your life: look beyond the daily grind to where you want to be in a few years.
Personal development often takes a backseat to work, social life and laundry, and we tell ourselves we will start the course or read the book tomorrow. Companies do the same, letting growth slip for the urgent. There is never a perfect time, so you have to make the time.
Imagine running a company on autopilot with no effort to improve. You probably would not, so why leave yourself repeating routines because they feel familiar? Every time you invest in yourself you plant seeds for your future self to harvest.
12. The decision to step down from leading
Is someone still a leader if they step down? It looks like letting go of control over something you poured yourself into. But there is a glass ceiling to everything, even for someone who has been there from the start.
At some point in your career, finances, relationships, emotions or health, you will have put in all the work you can and both sides will have reached their growth limit.
Walking away then is not giving up. You let the thing evolve and free yourself to focus on something new. The best leaders know when they have done all they can.
13. Choosing to work with difficult but talented people
Some of the most talented people are also the hardest to deal with. They push your buttons, carry big egos or are tough to manage, yet their skills may be what takes you to the next level.
Sometimes you have to weigh their talent against the stress they bring. The same call comes up with a difficult colleague who does great work, or a partner with plenty of wonderful qualities and one fundamental trait that drives you up the wall.
A compromise is sometimes the answer, because their contribution gives you a better outcome.
14. Building relationships, even with people you do not like
You will not get along with everyone. Yet some of the people who rub you the wrong way have the tools, connections and expertise to help you grow, so you may have to smile and put up with it.
Some call that fake, but the point is that you are tolerating them, not pretending to be their friend. You can gain something valuable from anyone, even people who challenge you.
Leaders focus on what the relationship can bring, whether or not they like the other person, and you cannot let your ego get the best of you.
15. Deciding who you can trust
Some people are great friends and also great gossips. You do not have to cut them out for spilling your secrets. You just have to remember not to tell them anything important again, because they showed you who they are.
Trusting the right people is tricky. Who do you tell your business idea or personal goal to? Being vulnerable is a risk, and your job is to work out who has earned it.
It takes trial and error and a few stumbles, but with time you can build a trustworthy crew.
Bonus: Should you keep going or take a break?
Sometimes you are so close to a breakthrough that you just need a little more time and energy, but you are burnt out. Every push feels like climbing Everest while losing oxygen faster than you can breathe.
A break right before the finish line may be what you need. It is your race and nobody else is on the track. You might not hit your personal best, but a breather gives you the energy to nail the last stretch and leap to victory instead of stumbling.
Taking a break is not giving up. It is gathering the energy to come back stronger.
Will you lead or follow?
The decisions above all come down to one question the script poses in its opening: will you lead, or will you fall? If your choices are not moving your vision forward, you are following something, and it is worth asking what.
Pick the one decision on this list you have been avoiding and make it this week.
FAQ
What makes someone a leader in their own life?
According to the script, having a vision is not enough. You are a leader when you make the decisions that realize that vision, including the tough ones.
Should you always choose innovation over stability?
No. The script says the best companies keep core stability in some areas while pushing innovation in others, and the hard part is knowing when to lean into one or the other. Only you can judge that for your own life.
When is it right to shut down a failing project or walk away?
When it keeps draining your time, money and energy and holds back other progress. The video argues that cutting your losses is a leadership skill and that waiting makes it cost more later.
How do you handle people who are talented but difficult?
Weigh their talent against the stress they bring. The video says that sometimes you need to step back and compromise because their contribution will lead to a better outcome.
Is taking a break the same as quitting?
No. The script says a break before the finish line can give you the energy to finish well, and that taking a break is gathering the energy to come back stronger.
Keep reading
- 15 of the Worst Life Decisions Anyone Can Make
- The Best Decisions You Can Make In Life
- 15 Most Expensive Mistakes You Can Make in Life
