Getting Someone to Trust You Is Not an Easy Task. We Are Breaking Down the Steps That You Can Follow to Build Trust.
There’s a saying that goes, “trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair,” and it’s 100% accurate.
Even a suspicion is enough to destroy someone’s trust in you, and that’s why we’ve compiled this list of 15 Steps to Build Trust and keep it.
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Your Word Is Your Word
If you say you’re going to do something, do it. Don’t let people doubt whether or not you’re going to follow through on what you’ve promised.
There are many reasons why keeping your word makes your life simpler, not more difficult. Performance coach, Neel Raman, gives several repercussions that occur when you don’t give your word. These include:
- Missed opportunities.
- Damaged relationships.
- Having a reputation as an unreliable person.
- Conflict with others.
- Experiencing guilt or remorse.
Keeping your word, according to Raman, means deeper connections with others and yourself. You eliminate guilt and you’re more selective to what you agree to, which gives you peace of mind.
Don’t Speak about Other People behind Their Back
People will never trust you if they overhear you badmouthing someone else, and why should they? What will you say about them, the moment their back is turned?
Blake Lively says, “People gossip. People are insecure, so they talk about other people so that they won’t be talked about. They point out flaws in other people to make them feel good about themselves.”
Gossiping is a one-way ticket to losing respect and trust, with little chance of returning.
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Don’t Rush Building Trust – It Takes Time
We live in a world of instant gratification, and it applies when you build trust. We return a wallet dropped on the floor, and all of a sudden, we’re “Jesus,” or we do a good deed, post it all over social media, and silently think, move over Mother Teresa. It doesn’t work that way.
It takes time to build trust, just like earning respect. We do it every day, without fail. It becomes part of our make-up, our DNA, our values… and the effort is worth the reward of having people trust you.
Learn to Communicate Effectively
This way you leave no room for misunderstanding which can often lead to mistrust.
Aluxers, isn’t it funny how so many fights or arguments stem from a simple misunderstanding? The well-known “I thought you meant xyz,” is often the result of bad communication which then leads to mistrust which leads to falling out of friendships or relationships.
This isn’t always the case, of course, but a lot of stress, anxiety and tension can be reduced by communicating effectively.
Think Things through before Committing to Anything
That way you’re making an informed decision and you can’t look back and wish you’d done it differently, because you rushed into it. So, how does this apply to building trust? When you agree to something, the person you’re agreeing to – will know unequivocally that you will be involved 100%.
They will know that you’re not going to dwindle away on the project, get fed-up, bored or just up and leave… they will trust that they have your full commitment, and that Aluxers, is a wonderful feeling for both of you.
Don’t Hide Your Emotions
People will find it difficult to relate to you if they think you’re beyond emotions or feelings. We often feel more connected with someone and trust them a little easier when they show their own vulnerabilities.
It’s not a bad thing to show you’re human and that you are having a bad time or struggling mentally. It’s during these times that we connect with others on a much deeper, more trusting level. Don’t fight it, and if you’re not able to get the guidance or support you need, please remember that professional help is not far away.
Remain True to Your Own Values
Don’t compromise them.
Quoted by the Recruiter Journal, “Values are like lighthouses; they are signals giving us direction, meaning, and purpose.”
You’ve taken years to carve your values, Aluxers, and when you remain true to them and people see that, they know they can trust your integrity.
We highly recommend that you listen to this 5-star rated book on Audible, “The Values Factor – The Secret to Creating an Inspired and Fulfilling Life” by Dr. John DeMartini. We’ve got a free download waiting for you at alux.com/freebook.
Accept Responsibility and Admit When You’re Wrong
We can’t mention this enough, and we don’t… because you know our stance on the importance of accepting responsibility.
It’s clear to see which adults never had to accept responsibility as children. They are incapable of admitting fault and making right their mistakes. Instead, they have perfected the art of extending their pointer finger and blaming someone else.
People trust those that make mistakes and admit to them. They do not trust those that never admit fault.
Invest in the Relationships You Have
Whether it’s a partner, family or close friends… show them you’re always there for them, be their biggest supporter, share their highs and lows and be the friend you know they need.
In our video, 15 Signs You’re an Emotionally Intelligent Couple, we mentioned that highly intelligent couples make a conscious decision to be emotionally intelligent. That decision can be applied to family, friends or even work colleagues. You can consciously decide to deal with problems like adults and not toddlers and use communication to resolve issues.
This conscious decision is a wonderful method to build trust in your relationships.
If you want to work on your relationships and make them better, check out 10 Secrets that Make a Successful Relationship.
Take a Risk with Someone
Aluxers, when was the last time you did something totally crazy? Taking a risk with someone takes a lot of courage from both parties, and when you have to place all your trust in someone with some crazy, off the wall idea, that will most certainly build trust.
To put it in a milder way, stepping out of your comfort zone with someone could open up a whole new world. Maybe it’s just taking a cooking class with a friend, dancing lessons with a partner or doing an online make-up course with family abroad – these all involve putting yourself out there and doing something different.
And even if your new venture or crazy idea is an epic failure, it’s still worth it. A quote contributed to Forbes by Chuck Swoboda by American author and motivational speaker Denis Waitley, “Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.”
Be Sincere and Authentic
Nothing builds trust as quickly or efficiently as just being yourself… unless you’re a complete douchebag, then we suggest you work on that. But being authentic, and not changing who you are when you’re around different people, is extremely important to build and maintain trust.
Same for sincerity. When people tell you something, be sincere in your reply. Take an active interest in what they’re telling you and try and put yourself in their position so that you can be empathetic and understanding.
Reliability and Dependability
These two are the old faithful’s when it comes to trust.
You say you will pick someone up at 5pm, be there at 5pm. You promise to help a friend move at 10am, be there bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to help him move. Don’t rock up there at 1pm after a complete bender, red-eyed, dry-mouthed with unsteady hands.
It’s building trust 101 Aluxers, be reliable and dependable.
Give the Benefit of the Doubt
This is something that swings both ways. Let’s say you’ve had an incredible friend for years, and you’ve grown to love and trust that friend. You admire and respect her. Then you hear some sort of news that doesn’t match her values and beliefs, so you give her the benefit of the doubt.
And this is the same benefit of the doubt that you would also be privy to, if you’ve behaved in a trustworthy, admirable way your whole life.
That’s not saying that the friend is not guilty of whatever misdemeanour you’ve heard, but it means you give them a chance first because of the reputation they’ve upheld.
There’s a great quote by our most famous Anonymous, which goes “Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.”
Learn to Trust Others
While earning trust is wonderful, you also need to trust others. Easier said than done, right? We know it’s hard, but we have to let go and place our trust in the hands of others.
And yes, you’ve probably been burnt more than once. And yes, you’ve probably sworn you’ll never trust again. But Aluxers, there are genuinely amazing people in the world.
These steps to learn to trust again are brought forward by Savvy Psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendriksen:
- Stay in one place.
- Get into routine.
- Give a little and see what you get.
- Make future plans.
- Trust an animal.
- Be trustworthy.
- Actively look for trustworthy behaviour.
- Grow the belief that you deserve to be around trustworthy people.
Be the Person You Wish You Had Growing Up
Trust begins from infancy. Babies learn to trust their parents from the moment they’re born.
As a child gets older, their trust is quickly broken, and this is how: Parents offer an ultimatum but don’t follow through with the consequences. They make kids feel shameful or embarrassed by their behaviour. Bringing in another authority figure, for example, I will tell your teacher about this, ultimately tells your child that you’re not in control of that situation.
And we can go on, but rather, be sure to follow our sister channel, New Parents, where we delve more into this topic and many others helping you become the best parent or caregiver you can be.
When did you have your trust broken, Aluxers? Share your story with us.