It’s Time to Focus On Your Relationship and Find Out Whether or Not You Are an Emotionally Intelligent Couple.
Relationships are hard work. Once the “honeymoon” period is over, a relationship can present challenges that we never anticipated.
However, relationships are beautiful and worth the effort if you’re an emotionally intelligent couple, and we have 15 Signs You’re an Emotionally Intelligent Couple.
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You Make a Conscious Decision to Be an Emotionally Intelligent Couple
When we begin a relationship with someone, we are swept away by butterflies, fuzzy feelings and let’s not lie, pure desire, that speaking about the nitty-gritty hard stuff doesn’t really make an appearance until much further down the line… and often it’s too late.
If we decide to sit down and discuss things like values, goals, how conflict should and can be managed, you have a much better grounding than couples that don’t.
And when problems do arise, which they will, you’re in a better space to handle them from an emotionally intelligent point of view.
They Have Positive “Bias” Towards Their Partners
Aluxers, we’ve all met people that speak about their partners in such a negative way that you wonder why they’re even together.
It can be as subtle as rolling one’s eyes when their partner says something they don’t agree with, to plain downright complaining about them.
That is not relationship goals.
Couples with high EQ always support each, and even when they don’t agree with the other, they won’t be rolling their eyes or bad-mouthing them the moment the partner is out of ear shot. They will sit down and speak to their partner about it when they’re alone.
And that isn’t easy, Aluxers. Calling out someone you love and having to listen to perhaps an equally hard to hear truth about yourself is hard. But that’s what works best so there is room to grow for both… more on growth later on.
You Allow For Healthy Time Apart
Emotionally healthy couples are not always together. They can see their own friends, commit to their favourite pastimes, go to the gym and spend time alone, without the fear that their partner will be jealous, resentful, will make you feel guilty or play the victim.
Time apart is exceptionally important in relationships and if your partner is having problems allowing you that freedom, that can be challenging. Before throwing in the towel, delve into their past to find out if they’ve been cheated on by a partner whom they trusted, and were then made to feel like they were at fault.
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Each Person Actively Seeks Time to Connect
Life can get insanely busy, with schedules that leave little time for breathing, let alone making additional time to connect.
Throw in a few pets, some kids, work, housework, and a couple family members, and what’s left at the end of the week? Not much, that’s for sure.
Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist in New York City and faculty member in Columbia University’s clinical psychology Ph.D. program spoke for NBC News and said, “Emotional intimacy could be defined as allowing yourself to connect more deeply with your partner through actions that express feelings, vulnerabilities and trust.”
You’re Not in the Relationship for Personal Gain
We see people forge ahead with relationships for personal gain all the time. Whether it’s publicity, financial gain or even a pregnancy, people go into relationships for all the wrong reasons.
An emotionally intelligent couple are not in a relationship to grab whatever they can and then just up and leave, they’re there for the long-haul. They want to benefit from the relationship, but together as a couple, not as a single unit.
Decisions are based on how it will affect the couple. How does it benefit their relationship? Does it add value or take it away? Does it add stress and anxiety, or reduce it?
And these conclusions can only be drawn up by having conversations, listening, and then making a mutually beneficial decision.
Partner’s Endeavour to See Things from Their Partners Perspective
This is not easy to do, and we understand that it takes a lot of effort… but if you’re in the right relationship, you won’t even flinch to put that effort in.
Even if you are 100% right Aluxers, which you will be at times, proving your “rightness” to your partner is not going to appease the situation and you’re not going to feel better about yourself because you’ve managed to prove that you were right.
By seeing this situation from your partners perspective, think of this. They’re probably struggling with being wrong, but your gloating or persistence on their wrongness is not making them feel better, or even willing to admit fault.
Emotionally Intelligent couples know this and do their best to see things from their other half’s point of view.
They Seek Professional Help When They Can’t Manage a Situation Themselves
Even emotionally intelligent couples will face situations that they’re unable to fix by themselves, but instead of calling it quits, they seek the help of a professional. There is absolutely no shame in going to couples therapy, in fact, that’s what healthy couples do.
It proves that you’re committed in the relationship and are willing to do whatever it takes to move forward together.
Even if you feel your relationship is going well, there is always room for improvement and couple’s therapy is a safe place to do that.
They Work Towards Becoming Better People
Human beings are not born to be stagnant objects. We’re meant to change, grow, learn, improve. If your partner is not interested in changing, that can prove problematic in any relationship. If only one person in the relationship is focused on growth, they’re going to surpass their partner quickly, and eventually the couple will have nothing in common.
Japanese martial artist and founder of aikido, Morihei Ueshiba, once said “If we stop growing, technically and spiritually, we are as good as dead.”
If you’re thinking that all these points do not define your relationship, we’ve got 15 more in our video:
Kindness Is the Underlying Driving Force
The Atlantic says that the secret to love is kindness.
Psychologist, John Gottman, did an interesting study where he studied newly-weds and could with 94% accuracy, predict whether the couple would remain married. His findings were solid across any relationship – gay, straight, rich, poor, black or white…
He invited 130 newly-weds to spend the day at a beautiful retreat.
He observed them and made the following observation and explains it with this example:
A husband sees a beautiful bird and asks his wife to look. Either she indulges him or is annoyed that he interrupted her.
The husband not only wants his wife to see the bird, but he needs to see that she acknowledges what is important to him.
No surprises, the wife that didn’t look at the bird, meant that the relationship wasn’t built to last. It all boiled down to the spirit that each person brought into the relationship, and kindness was the driving force.
If you need some help to become a kinder person, check out 15 Small Acts of Kindness That Make the World a Better Place.
When You Have Issues, Your Partner Is the First Person You Talk To
If you’re going through a hard time, who do you go to first? Your partner or your friends? If you’re unable to go to your partner first, that’s usually a red flag – as emotionally intelligent couples are able to trust their problems with their partners.
If the problem is with your partner, communication is the only way to remedy it. And there are simple ways that having those hard conversations can be made easier.
Don’t talk down to your partner, don’t interrupt them, pick up their non-verbal cues, don’t drone on and on, and reach an agreement that you can both move forward with.
If having difficult conversations doesn’t bring a common closure or move in the right direction, seek professional help.
Remember When Fighting, It’s You and Your Partner against the Problem…
Not you against your partner. It’s a different way of looking at it, we know, but when you see it from this perspective, it makes the “fight” a lot less confrontational and quicker to find a solution.
According to Time.com, fighting with a partner is healthy for a relationship. In fact, relationships that fight are healthier than relationships that don’t. Where there is no fighting, often the flame has just gone out and the couple just don’t care anymore. Clinical psychologist, Deborah Grody, says “Relationships that can’t be saved are relationships where the flame has completely gone out, or it wasn’t there in the first place.”
You Have a Deep Friendship
Aluxers, if you’re treating your friends with a lot more kindness, fun, and giving them the best bits of you but not your partner, that’s tricky to balance in a relationship.
Emotionally intelligent couples save their best parts for their partner. They go out of their way to please them, to make them feel good, to let them know they’re appreciated, loved and valued.
They nurture the friendship as much as they do the physical side of their relationship… because as we all know, the physical attraction does fade over time… but hanging out with your partner, AKA, best friend, is there for life… if that’s what you’re striving for.
Respect All of Your Partner…
The good, the bad, and the downright annoying. Because, truth is, no relationship is perfect. Even the healthiest couples irritate the cr*p out of each other, but they both realize that this is their home. Their safe place.
Mexican author, Don Miguel Ruiz, allegedly said “respect is one of the greatest expressions of love,” and whether he did or didn’t say it, it’s a quote worth mentioning.
Emotionally intelligent couples respect their partner in their entirety.
You Make Time for Fun
Having fun is such an important part of a relationship, but it’s the part that tends to be neglected when the monotony of long-term relationships kicks in.
Routine is expected, but emotionally intelligent couples will set a date to have a date. They’ll go roller-skating, have a picnic, hike, or visit a museum… things that don’t even cost a lot of money. They just make the time for fun.
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You Say Thank You, and I’m Sorry
Aluxers, a simple thank you goes a long way in a relationship. You feel appreciated and valued when your partner acknowledges what you’ve done.
Saying sorry is not easy, but it changes lives. Couples that can apologize and then take action to correct their mistakes, are couples that are emotionally intelligent. Goalcast.com says that “Saying “sorry” denotes that you have chosen your relationship over your ego.”
Which brings us to our question, Aluxers. When did you last say sorry, and how did it positively affect your relationship with that person?