The experiences that make you mentally stronger are the ones that stretch you without a script: a long physical challenge, a risk with no safety net, a trip where nobody speaks your language and decisions you cannot explain to anyone. Some experiences pass unnoticed at the time and go on to define you. Sometimes they are small and out of your control, and sometimes they are big and created by you.
Note these 15 as you read, so that if one happens to you, you recognize how much it can change you and can use the lesson later. There is a bonus at the end.
Watch the full video here, or skip to the breakdown below.
The 15 experiences at a glance
- Doing a long, intense physical challenge (1:31)
- Holding on to a good friend through a hard time (2:58)
- Taking an uncalculated risk (4:04)
- Backpacking to a country where nobody speaks your language (5:14)
- A validation of your instincts (6:16)
- Forgiving someone you probably should not (7:06)
- Walking away from something good in the hope of something better (8:24)
- Reading a book that changes your life (9:29)
- Paying heed to the wise, kind words of a passing stranger (10:29)
- The moment you make a childhood dream come true (11:29)
- Achieving a hard goal in a short time (12:20)
- Hearing a story you will never forget (13:01)
- Jumping over your baseline level of spontaneous action (13:43)
- Discovering you hate something everyone else loves (14:24)
- The first time you buy something of exceptional quality (15:27)
1. Doing a long, intense physical challenge
Every year thousands of ordinary people carry a backpack across thousands of miles on some of the hardest trails on Earth, such as the Pacific Crest Trail, the Appalachian Trail, the Camino Francés and the West Coast Trail. They sleep in tents while coyotes howl, and walk icy slopes and flat, scorching land that feels one step closer to the sun. Many go alone, and some trails take months.
Why do it? Because all you have to think about is surviving, one foot in front of the other. You find out what you are capable of. Your body sends constant signals to stop and your brain tries everything to make you quit, and something inside you wakes up and overrides every lazy instinct.
2. Holding on to a good friend through a hard time
Friendship comes without the built-in obligation of family. We have a genetic link to relatives that makes it easier to overlook their flaws. With friends, supporting someone through a rough patch is a choice you make every day.
You do not have to be there, and they do not have to be there for you. Managing your own feelings while supporting them builds your ability to cope with stress and deepens empathy. The memory of that sincerity stays with you, and it makes you feel capable of anything when someone chooses to stand by you.
3. Taking an uncalculated risk
Most risks worth taking are calculated: you measure the jump, gather help and plan a safety net. The idea here is to try, once in a while, to just do it, with no analysis, plans or net. It sounds crazy, and it raises the odds of failure.
Nothing pushes you out of your comfort zone faster. Tools and skills you did not know you had come to the surface, and your coasting brain jumps up to save you. It is not something to do often or lightly. But if you face the decision and feel yourself drifting into analysis, maybe stop and decide right there.
4. Backpacking to a country where nobody speaks your language
Backpacking, travelling and holidaying are three different things. A holiday gives you food and some culture. Backpacking hands you the hardships, and that is what changes you.
Picture 30 hours of travel, heat, no air conditioning, delayed trains and flights, arriving in the middle of the night with a dead phone and trying to find your lodging among confused faces that do not share your language. What do you do? You figure it out, and you learn how much you can handle. It is the challenge that changes you, not the umbrella drink.
5. A validation of your instincts
Over a lifetime, you will get feelings about a person or situation that are hard to place. Something is off and you cannot say why, so you talk yourself out of it.
Then one day you learn you were right. Nothing you saw or heard could have shown you the truth, yet the feeling was there. When your instincts are validated, you change: you trust yourself more, stand your ground, feel stronger and make decisions you do not have to explain to everyone else.
6. Forgiving someone you probably should not
The idea that you must forgive is a myth. You owe it to no one, least of all someone who hurt you deeply, and you can move on without it. Forgiveness does not bring peace for everyone and can feel like betraying your own experience.
Still, it changes you, because it is for you, not for them. The video is clear that the work is long and hard, and that the strength comes from the process of getting there. It means taking back power from a mind that thinks dwelling will protect you. You never have to speak to the person or tell them. You will know when you reach the point of indifference, and that is a great feeling.
7. Walking away from something good in the hope of something better
Leaving is scary because you step into the unknown, whether it is a job, a partner or an apartment. Sometimes things are so bad you have to go. But sometimes it is really good on paper and you still are not happy; it does not click.
So you walk, despite everyone telling you that you have a good thing going. That takes monumental mental strength. When a moment later proves you right, you become a changed person who knows what is best for you. Doubts quiet down and relief and peace set in.
8. Reading a book that changes your life
A book is out there that will change how you think, behave and live. If you have not found it, keep reading. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a bestseller or one that never sells more than a few hundred copies.
You will not know what you are in for, and you will turn the last page a different person. Reading strengthens critical and creative thinking, builds empathy and emotional intelligence, and inspires action. In the hardest times it is also comfort, a reminder that you may be alone but you are never on your own.
9. Paying heed to the wise, kind words of a passing stranger
It happens more than you think, and you need to watch for it. Sometimes a total stranger is the wisest person you will meet. It could be a child who blurts out something far too true, a kind cashier’s compliment, comforting words from airline staff or advice from people playing chess in the park.
The moment passes fast, but right after, you feel lighter. You laugh, something clicks, you see another angle or you feel beautiful. Hold on to those words. You may never see the person again and still remember them.
10. The moment you make a childhood dream come true
Did you look at a plane’s flashing lights as a child and want to be up there? Or move around a lot and want a home that was yours, however small? Whether the dream was Everest, flying or owning a home, there is a moment where you reach it and flash back to the child who wished for it.
That is when you understand pride. You can tell your younger self that you did it, and from then on things get a little easier, because you achieved something you really wanted, on your own.
11. Achieving a hard goal in a short time
Goal-setting advice says goals should be achievable and time-bound, with realistic timeframes. Sometimes you can throw out the handbook.
As you work, you realize you could go faster and better than planned, so you push a little more, and then a little more. Then you set a hard goal and nail it in record time.
12. Hearing a story you will never forget
It might come from a grandparent who passed away long ago, a forum post you can never find again or a folktale told in a bar. It leaves a lasting impression.
Maybe it showed you how the world works, or your full potential, or made you laugh or cry and, most of all, think. Stories connect people across cultures and generations. Look out for them, and for the people who love telling them, and listen carefully.
13. Jumping over your baseline level of spontaneous action
For some people a detour to the beach on the way home is normal. For others it takes courage. Whatever your level, the moment you leap over it and go for it is the moment you boost confidence in your abilities.
You learn to think and react fast, adapt to the unexpected and weigh risk, reward and seizing the moment. These are the same ideas covered in a module on mental resilience within the Alux app.
14. Discovering you hate something everyone else loves
It can feel like an alternate world when everyone loves a restaurant, a trip, an activity like paragliding, a life path like starting a business, or a cultural belief that makes no sense to you, and you hated it.
Learning that you differ from even those closest to you can shake you, but it helps you grow. You understand your preferences, values and limits. You gain a stronger sense of individuality, sharpen your critical thinking by asking why you reacted differently, and gain confidence as you defend your view.
15. The first time you buy something of exceptional quality
If you grew up in a household that struggled with money, you may never have owned something of exceptional quality and may think it a waste. Then you buy it, say clothing, and you feel different wearing it: more comfortable, better fitting, more confident.
You come to appreciate craftsmanship and durability, and your habits shift toward saving for better things. Thinking moves from short-term benefit to long-term goals, and that carries into discipline, financial literacy and how you plan and strategize.
Bonus: a bad, failed relationship
Nobody should have to go through it, but you probably will. It forces you to look at what drew you to that person and kept you there, and starts the work of understanding what drives your choices. You learn what you want from life, how to use the past as fuel, and how to spot red flags.
You find out you can survive even the toughest heartbreak, which raises the question of what you cannot do. Best of all, you recognize who the good people are and spend more time with them, so life gets fuller and less stressful. It is not fun, but it makes you much stronger.
FAQ
What experiences build mental toughness?
Long physical challenges, uncalculated risks, travel where you do not speak the language, forgiving someone, walking away from something good, and a failed relationship are among the 15 the video lists.
Do you have to forgive someone to move on?
No. The video calls the idea that you must forgive a myth, but says working toward it changes you and ends in indifference, which feels great.
Why is an uncalculated risk useful?
With no plan and no net, skills you did not know you had rise to the surface and your brain stops coasting, showing you what you are capable of.
How is backpacking different from a holiday?
A holiday gives you food and culture. Backpacking brings hardship, such as long travel, a dead phone and no shared language, and the challenge is what changes you.
Why does a book count as a life-changing experience?
The right book changes how you think and act, strengthens critical thinking and empathy, and comforts you in hard times.
Keep reading
- 15 Ways the Comfort Zone Is Ruining Your Life
- 15 Philosophies That Will Change Your Life
- 10 Must-Read Books This Summer That Will Make You Rethink Your Life
