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10 Simple Ways to Find Out If Your Friends Have Good or Bad Intentions

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    Do You Think Your Friends Have Got Your Back? Here Are 10 Ways to Know If Your Friends Are Real or Not.

    Friends are an important part of our lives. Good friends are there for us, making the good times even more fun, and the hard times more bearable. But not all friends have our best intentions at heart.

    We’re looking at 10 alarm bells that might help you realise your friend is more of a frenemy than a BFF.

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    With that said, here are 10 Simple Ways To Find Out if Your Friends Have Good or Bad Intentions.

    1

    Equal Measure

    A friend for life is someone that is there for you when you need them, and equally someone you can lift up when they need a boost. They pick up the bill when you’re out of work, and vice versa, it’s a yin and yang thing, if you think about it.

    In the case of a friend without the best intentions, you will find that it’s not an equal balance.

    You take them to the airport without a second thought, but when you’re jet setting they don’t reply to your message asking for a ride. Or when you get together to catch up, no matter the topic of conversation, it always seems to revert back to them and their life.

    Friendship has to be give and take as in… from both sides, not one person gives and the other person takes. If it’s a one-way street, then your friend is more in it for themselves.

    2

    Boundaries

    Maybe in middle school it was a friendship badge of honour to borrow your friends’ clothes without asking and assume every bit of your free time will be spent together, or even that your friend gets a say in who you date.

    Most of us grow out of this level of friendship into more healthy boundaries and more casual approach to closeness. It is then understood, while your friend is welcome to invite you places, or share their opinion on your boyfriend, you won’t necessarily agree, because you’re autonomous.

    And that’s what friends usually like about each other.  If you find your friend encroaching on your independence and you feel bullied into doing things or making choices that don’t sit well with you, then you might want to rethink the friendship’s boundaries.

    3

    Gossip

    No matter how you spin it, you can’t trust a gossip. If they have an opinion and all the intel on everyone and are happy to share it, you can be darn sure that they gossip about you too.

    This kind of person often strong arms you to tell them your darkest secrets or the details of your life. But this isn’t to support you, but rather because they thrive on the drama and love to have some juicy new beans to spill to gain status.

    Be wary of sharing your private business with someone who talks about other people’s secrets, it’s not long before they broadcast your news too.

    If you’re starting to recognise one of your friendships in these points, don’t be devastated about letting someone go, stick around to the end for why it’s easier than you think.

    4

    Respect

    A friend who has good intentions wants to see you thrive and grow. Even though they might not always agree with you, they have your best interests at heart and want to offer you sage advice.

    Someone who isn’t looking after your friendship but rather stroking their own ego, can often belittle or insult you to come off superior or funny in a crowd. This isn’t a true friend, and you don’t need to stick around as their punching bag.

    Life is hard enough without your friends making it worse. Find yourself friends that will have your back, defend your honour and offer kind advice that encourages you to self-improve.

    5

    Jealousy

    Have you ever had a friend who tries to prevent you from having other friends or relationships? Well, that’s not a good sign. No one person can fill all roles for you, that’s why it’s great to have a bunch of friends from different aspects of your life.

    Friends from school and college, family friends, siblings and cousins, neighbourhood friends, friends from the office and your kids’ school, and then friends with an interest like sport or a hobby. This way you don’t have to rely on any one person or put unnecessary pressure on anyone else. It also gives you a great amount of perspective if you have a challenge or need advice.

    Toxic people struggle to share. It’s mainly out of fear that other people will make them less central in your life, and perhaps even point out some of the unhealthy patterns in their friendship. Someone who wants to keep you to themselves isn’t doing it out of adoration for you, but out of an unhealthy need in them. And that’s not a good intention to build a friendship on.

    6

    Negativity

    Friends don’t have to agree on everything. So, if a friend always insists you share their opinion on everything then let’s agree to agree that you’re in a bad place with them.

    It’s exhausting and uninspiring to be around someone who wants to argue with you about everything. Its near impossible to plan a trip you will enjoy with someone who has a “my way or the highway” mentality. It just puts everyone in a negative space of being on the defence.

    You shouldn’t have to defend yourself to your friends. Obviously, we don’t mean that your friends shouldn’t challenge you to be better, but friendship is a safe space to make mistakes, and still be supported. It doesn’t have to come with conditions. More on this coming up.

    If you do have such uninspiring friends in your circle, then you might wanna check out How to deal with backstabbers or negative people..!

    7

    Truth Be Told

    You shouldn’t need to be a CIA detective to be able to unravel the facts in a conversation with a friend. The reasons for people lying are many, and we’re not going to go into that here. But the effect of a friend who lies is that you can’t trust them.

    Often before you realise their lies, they might hype themselves up, or convince you to do things you don’t want to.

    Friends who have good intentions won’t need to lie to you. They won’t need to convince you to do something so badly that they tell you “Alternative facts” about the matter.

    Letting someone like this go, no matter how great you think they are, doesn’t have to be a big deal, stick around to the end to find out why.

    8

    Acceptance

    Friendship doesn’t mean that you’re a carbon copy of someone else. Healthy friends accept that everyone has things about them that you like, and things that you don’t. They accept these differences or even flaws.

    Toxic friends will pressure you to change, to emulate everything that they like, think and feel about everything and anything. From fashion to music choices, they will use some of the techniques we mentioned before like belittling or lack of boundaries to steam roll you into submission.

    9

    Competition

    The most common frenemy trait is when your friendship is an escalating competition you didn’t sign up for.

    We’re not dismissing that having a little healthy motivation to keep up with your friends can feel a bit like competition, but that’s not the unhealthy kind we’re talking about here. If your friend makes you feel like every move is constant one-upping of each other, then you’re in a bad space. It’s exhausting and isn’t at all the safe space you should be fostering as friends.

    If you want to be a better friend, we suggest you watch our video 15 Ways To Be A Better Friend.

    As viewer, MiamiMichelleable commented, “We always need good friends to do things with and be there for us when the good and bad happens to us.”

    10

    Trust Your Gut

    When it comes to wondering if your friend has good or bad intentions, nothing beats good old-fashioned intuition. If you have to go through a check list, then you probably already know the answer.

    Trust your gut and invite people into your life who want to see you thrive and succeed in your personal, professional, and spiritual life.

    Question:

    How did you know your friend didn’t have good intentions?

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