We Want Our Friendships to Last a Lifetime and Never End. But Unfortunately Most Friendships Fade Away. Find Out Why.
You are probably reading this article for 1 of 2 reasons; either you’re not sure why you are withdrawing from certain friendships, or you’re wondering why a friendship you treasured had to end. Either way, this is something we all deal with several times in our lifetime, and we’re here to unpack 15 Reasons Why Friendships Fade Away.
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People Make New Friends
Let’s start with the hardest one first, its like ripping off a band aid… better done without warning. One of the reasons your friendships may end is that new people have come into your friend’s life. This doesn’t mean that you weren’t a ton of fun, a breath of fresh air or a great support to your friend, it simply means that they have found something different that offers them what they need now.
Don’t take it personally, you will do the same at some stage in your life and feel a natural time to move on from one friendship and gravitate towards another. Its not a personal reason, or linked to any dislike, so don’t take it personally.
Only One Friend Is Putting in the Effort
If one friend is the only one following up, making meetups, or reaching out, then it might not last. Perhaps that’s just the type of person this friend is, always pro-active, planning and arranging. That paired with an iron clad self-esteem, they probably wont mind the one-sidedness.
But for most, it will mean that a little resentment or perhaps self-consciousness builds up, and the one putting in the effort might unnaturally put a pause on their efforts to test if the friendship would go on without their prompting. Sadly, in many cases it won’t. If you’re friends with a pro-active planner, be sure you put in some plans from your side to show the friend that you care to be with them.
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The Friendship Began for the Wrong Reasons
There are toxic friends, and toxic friendships. The kinds that are started over mutual hatred, like the enemy of my enemy is my friend kind of stuff.
Whatever the reason, if a friendship begins for the wrong reasons, it often doesn’t last.
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Your Values Don’t Align Anymore
Friendships that start in the earlier part of our lives often end naturally as we grow into adulthood.
When we’re younger, being into the same sports team is more important than sharing moral beliefs.
Realising our values aren’t the same as friends can be a rude awakening. And while you may still have common interests, it’s easier to be friends with people whose values align with yours.
Aluxers, what is the craziest thing you would do for a friend? Stick around to find out what one famous pair of friends got up to.
You’ve Outgrown Each Other
Often a love of beer pong or cheer squad aren’t enough to have in common when we’re setting up careers, homes, or marriages.
It’s not uncommon for our lives to go in different progression to each other and these splits don’t mean that one person’s life is right, and the other is wrong.
However, it can feel uncomfortable for someone with 3 kids and a Labrador to hangout in a “frat house” environment, or a single woman enjoying the dating scene to be surrounded by friends talking about baby burping and picking playschools.
Sometimes the reason friendships have to end is that you have just grown in different directions.
Lack of Communication
It’s hard to know what is happening with someone if you don’t talk. Have you ever had lunch with a friend who is visibly upset but refuses to talk about it? It’s like trying to skirt around a 5-ton elephant in a soho apartment for 45 minutes until the cheques comes.
Friendship only works if we are comfortable enough with our friends to share our experiences with them. Otherwise, there isn’t a ton there except splitting the bill on lunch.
If you are looking for that extra push of motivation to get better at communicating with your friends, check out 10 Reasons Friends Are Worth More than Money.
Of course, there can be valid reasons for not wanting to share, for example…
It wouldn’t be wise to stay friends with someone you don’t trust, and vice versa.
If your friend is not a trustworthy person, then it doesn’t make sense to share your life and thoughts with them. However, if you find you can’t find anyone you trust, then the problem might lie with you.
No one is perfect, and friends can let us down, but for the most part it is important to trust our friends. Losing this trust, or not trusting your friends can be a reason that friendships end.
If you’re struggling to know how to build or keep your friends trust, we made a video:
Falling in Love with a Friend
Eek, this one can be awkward. One day you see your friend and suddenly music swells from nowhere, your heart flutters and you realise you’re in love. And you all live happily ever after…. UNLESS your friend isn’t single or doesn’t feel the same way.
Then, welcome to the friend fade, because you would do better investing that crush elsewhere.
Babies, Marriages, Divorces, Deaths
There are so many external factors that can lead to friendships taking a hiatus or fading away. Life is busy and has many bumps along the way. Some friendships won’t withstand them all. Sometimes we withdraw after a loss or heartache or need a slower social schedule as we settle into a new home life, and not all friendships will endure this.
Trust that exactly who you need will come exactly when you need them and enjoy those people. More on this coming up.
Keeping up with the Jones’s can be a real hard game to play, no matter what side you are on. Sadly, some friendships can’t survive the need to compete, and jealousy can ravage them. Friends should be happy when the other gets a new car, job, or partner. It’s not a competition who earns more or has a bigger house.
You might find that soon after you meet your soulmate, a close friend who is still single starts to be unavailable to hang out. This could be a sign of jealousy, and in this case you’re probably both happier apart.
To some people friendship is brewskies and game day, to others it is holding you up through your dad’s cancer. Having different expectations of what a friendship is can lead to disappointment and hurt feelings. If you need your friend to remember your birthday but they can only remember that you owe them 50 bucks, then you might have different ideas of friendship.
There is no rule book for “how to friendship” so if you want to find friends you will keep for life, then be sure they have the same expectations of friendship as you do.
There Isn’t Acceptance
Life isn’t one straight journey from start to finish. We all try different things, find out new information and grow into our true selves. This can mean that the person you were when you met someone has shifted in some way. You might have found a new religion or political view, or stopped being vegan, or realised you are pansexual.
Either way, some friends will accept you boots and all, and some won’t. That says nothing about your value and is just something that makes them who they are. For everyone to live their own truth, sometimes the friendship fading away with no hurt feelings is better.
One Tries to One-up the Other All the Time
Have you ever been stuck in one of those conversations which sucks the life out of you? No matter how stressed you are, your friend is always more stressed. And no matter how great your yoga instructor is, or your new neighbourhood is theirs is always better.
It’s exhausting when conversation is like a game of ping pong, just back-and-forthing instead of getting to anything beyond blind comparisons. When this happens, we suggest, nay, recommend to end these friendships as fast as you can.
Sometimes We Let Go to Protect Ourselves
Like the one-upper friendship, this is the kind of person you realise isn’t really building you up. Their double-edged remarks leave you wondering if they even like who you are. Or when they are around new people they love to “joke” about your insecurities or tell an embarrassing story about you.
In these cases, its sometimes self-preservations that has the friendship fading away, and if you are that person with the “jokes” then don’t expect friends to stick around to hear the punchlines.
Some Friendships Are Seasonal
Some people enter our lives for a reason or a season. The universe has a wonderful way of providing exactly who we need along our journey, just at the moment we need them. If you’re open to friendships and don’t keep your friends on a leash, you might find that friendships naturally come and go.
It’s not because anyone was rude, or boastful, or didn’t listen, or was too busy. It is just that the beautiful moment you were meant to share in each other’s lives has passed.
Just like we don’t need to grieve the seasons, we don’t need to grieve these friendships because the next one will be perfectly timed just when we need it.
What is the main reason your friendships fade away?