Persuasive people get what they want because they do the work before the pitch: they stay calm, show what is in it for the other person, speak as a team and build agreement in small steps. The video argues that hard work falls flat without persuasion, and that a charismatic person is more likely to get the promotion than the person working hardest. You are invisible to the people you never reach in a memorable way.
It lists 15 strategies, from how you react to chaos to why the deal is usually settled before you walk into the room.
Watch the full video here, or skip to the breakdown below.
The 15 strategies at a glance
- They look calm in the chaos (0:35)
- Persistence beats resistance: it’s never a no (1:29)
- Scarcity equals desirability (2:25)
- They show how they’ll make your life better (3:06)
- They talk about we, not you (4:03)
- They’re free to make their own choices (5:17)
- They create a yes ladder (6:02)
- They know location matters for meetings (7:11)
- They spark interest beyond the deal (7:59)
- They go from friend to enemy to friend again (8:35)
- They display social proof (9:27)
- They ask risky questions (10:24)
- They paint the picture first (11:08)
- Your body language is louder than your voice (11:58)
- The deal was decided before the pitch (12:42)
1. They look calm in the chaos
Walk into a deal meeting, jump when the receptionist drops a file and spill your coffee, and you’ve already lost. The first thing to show is that you’re reliable and confident, and that you don’t react to chaos.
Reacting to the outside world tells people you can be easily swayed and may not stick to your guns. Help pick up the file, but don’t let outside behaviour change your movements. Brains form first impressions fast, and others ask if you are safe and trustworthy. If you aren’t confident in yourself, why would they be?
2. Persistence beats resistance: it’s never a no
Enter any deal with the mindset that a no is never forever. Want it badly enough and the only endpoint is the answer you want.
People resist change, from a promotion request to a business loan to a friend group choosing a trip. You don’t beat resistance with brute force, especially in negotiation. You beat it with persistence.
The best salespeople keep contacting people on their no list for months and even years, because one day that person wants what you’re offering and you’re the name they remember.
3. Scarcity equals desirability
Make the value you bring look rare. Narrow the decision to one thing that makes the other person feel they lose out by passing.
Even if others have the same skills, work out what lets you push yours further. With friends, say the prices for your suggested trip will go up if they wait. People hate losing out, and they focus on the loss first, which pushes them toward a decision in your favour.
4. They show how they’ll make your life better
Most people know you come to them for something that helps you. That puts you on the back foot, because the person who cares least holds the most power.
So show exactly how this makes their life better, in absolutes rather than potentials. In an interview or a raise talk, many people open with their skills. The video says to start with the other side’s pain points, doubts and worries, then explain how you would solve them. That shows your skill instead of telling it, and they leave feeling they have something to gain.
5. They talk about we, not you
Saying I and you separates the benefits and makes it feel like you’re only in it for yourself. Fill the conversation with we instead.
It drives home that you’re a team and that your proposal affects you too. If it affects you, you’ll make sure it succeeds. As a team you rise and fall together, and people know you won’t let them down because you’d be shooting yourself in the foot.
6. They’re free to make their own choices
The video cites a 2013 review of 43 studies and 22,000 participants that found reminding people they are free to say no makes them far more likely to say yes. It claims this doubles your chances.
Decisions create pressure, and pressure makes people push back to protect their freedom. Reminding them they can choose signals respect for their independence, builds trust and rapport, and gives them a psychological safety net that leaves them in control.
7. They create a yes ladder
To win agreement on something big, start small. This does two things.
First, it moves them into the zone of yes. People lack the energy to analyse everything you say, so if you agree on a few points they lower their scepticism and keep following the yes shortcut. Second, it creates common ground. They put you in a box they’re also in, so they assume your proposal is something they would do too.
Each small agreement pushes them further up the ladder toward the bigger point.
8. They know location matters for meetings
The best deals are made on walks, on tennis courts and on golf courses, even in a pub over a first drink. Interviews and promotion talks usually happen in a stuffy boardroom.
Move the conversation elsewhere, even to a different, more informal room, and you create a middle-ground space and put yourself on equal footing. You’re no longer across the table from people with the upper hand because it’s their space. The relaxed setting also rubs off on how they feel about you.
9. They spark interest beyond the deal
Going straight to your point makes people feel rushed and out of control. Take a detour and show them the scenic route.
Talk about things you have in common that connect to the deal without an abrupt, direct link. Keep one rule: always bring them back to the main point. The smoother the ride, the more likely they are to follow your lead.
10. They go from friend to enemy to friend again
Balancing friendly and assertive is delicate, and you won’t hit the line perfectly in every sentence. So train yourself to take on different characters at different points.
Be deliberately friendly at first so they trust you and open up. Then push back at some stage, which may put you in the enemy role, and you learn their pain points and how far you can push. Then pull back and return to being the teammate they can trust. They trust you more after facing resistance and rebuilding rapport than after a conversation that was friendly throughout.
11. They display social proof
Anyone you try to convince will be better convinced by someone else. The video says the first follower matters more than the leader of a movement.
The leader seems crazy at first, and we doubt them because they have so much riding on it. The first follower acts entirely of their own accord and validates the leader, because two people being crazy is less likely. So find someone who will back you before you pitch, and give the deciders that proof.
12. They ask risky questions
Risky here means thought-provoking. These questions make the other person think, and the aim is to understand how they think, with no discomfort intended.
Ask questions they wouldn’t expect: open-ended, interesting, and likely to get them talking about themselves. Thinking and offloading this way makes people feel the conversation was insightful and productive, even if they did most of the talking. When people leave feeling they benefited, you’ve won.
13. They paint the picture first
When it’s your turn, paint the future first. Many people talk about where things are now and what’s wrong with them, which is boring and doesn’t tell anyone how they will benefit.
Humans are driven by emotion, and anticipation or fear of the future moves us more than the present does. Because the future is imagined, you can be very descriptive. Get them to picture what their future looks like once they agree with you.
14. Your body language is louder than your voice
This is method acting in real life. Whatever character you take on in a conversation, your body language has to match. Confident words with nervous, twitchy movement won’t work.
We notice micro-expressions and gestures far more than what someone says. So practise true confidence, excitement or the friend-to-enemy shift in front of a mirror, and embody the character most likely to win. While you talk, think of what they’re seeing, not what you’re hearing.
15. The deal was decided before the pitch
Masters of persuasion treat the pitch as a formality. Everything before it influences the decision, and you can’t prepare it the night before.
Want a promotion? Be present at your job and be a team player. To get friends to trust your holiday pick, show your recommendations are top notch, maybe the restaurant you brought them to that they now love. Training before the race is what gets you over the line.
Persuasion is built, not improvised
Almost none of these strategies is a trick used in the moment. Staying calm, speaking as a team, finding common ground and earning a reputation all happen before anyone says yes.
Pick one to rehearse this week, such as swapping you for we, or opening with the other person’s problem instead of your skills.
FAQ
How do you become more persuasive?
The video says to stay calm under pressure, show how your proposal improves the other person’s life, speak as a team and build agreement in small steps. It also stresses that most of the work happens before the pitch.
What is a yes ladder?
It means getting someone to agree on small points first so they build a habit of saying yes and feel you share common ground, which makes them more likely to agree to the bigger ask.
Why does saying we work better than saying you or I?
It frames you as a team, so the other person sees that you share the outcome. They trust you won’t let them down because it would hurt you too.
Does reminding someone they can say no actually help?
The video cites a 2013 review of 43 studies and 22,000 participants finding it makes people far more likely to say yes, because it lowers pressure and builds trust.
Where is the best place to negotiate?
The video says a neutral or informal setting such as a walk, a golf course or a casual room beats a stuffy boardroom, because it puts you on equal footing.
Why does body language matter in persuasion?
People notice micro-expressions and gestures more than the words you say, so confident words need confident body language to match.
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