You become more likeable by getting the practical basics right first (how you look and smell), then walking in with confident warmth and letting other people do most of the talking at the start. The case made here is that likeability is a skill, not a fixed trait. Some people have it naturally and others have to train for it, but being liked matters either way because it opens doors in your career and your social life.
This article covers why it matters, why it differs so much between people, and the first three steps the video gives for making a good impression.
Watch the full video here, or skip to the breakdown below.
Likeability at a glance
- Why being liked matters (0:00)
- Why it varies so much between people
- Dress well and smell good (5:13)
- Wear confidence, even if it’s fake at first (9:02)
- Say nothing, do nothing, at first (11:17)
Why being liked matters
Picture walking into a room and feeling the mood shift toward you, not out of judgement but out of interest and warmth. That is likability, and it is accessible, not reserved for a select few.
It rejects the line that you do not care whether others like you. Wanting to be liked can look fake or desperate, but denying it is self-deception. Being likeable opens doors and being unlikeable closes them, so it is better to work on the skill than to sit alone telling yourself it does not matter that nobody makes plans with you.
The reason it matters is that we function better, mentally and emotionally, with a strong social circle. In your career it helps with networking, partnerships and leadership roles, and it builds the support system you lean on when times are hard. When people like us, we also feel better about ourselves.
Likeability, in the video’s definition, is making people happy and excited to see you. It is more about how good you make others feel than about being a cool person.
Why it varies so much between people
People with natural charisma and extraversion find it easier, while shy people may struggle more in social settings. Past experiences, cultural background and upbringing also shape social skills and self-perception, and these can help or hinder how you connect.
Emotional intelligence, partly the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and those of others, is essential. But the video says it is not what gets you started on the right footing. That job belongs to something more practical, and it is the first step.
If this keeps happening person after person, the video says, then it is probably you, and that is good news because it is fixable.
1. Dress well and smell good
This one is controversial, and the script admits it: why should you have to look good to be liked? Its answer is that social conditioning, human nature, aesthetic appreciation and information processing all roll into one. It is an instinctive judgement you cannot fully protest away. Appearance is the first thing people notice and smell is the second.
Your appearance shows respect for the setting, attention to detail and personal pride. Scents evoke memories and moods without people realising it.
To dress better, start with colour. Take a photo of your face in natural light, upload it to the website colorwise.me and follow the instructions to see which colours match your skin tone and hair. Style is harder. A stylist can advise on cuts, material and style, looking at you and your closet in person, and is worth saving for. Style depends on your body shape, personality and the occasion.
On smell, cleanliness is the baseline. Then find a signature scent that is mild but alluring. Do not wear anything too strong: no scent beats an overpowering one, and dousing yourself in cheap body spray several times a day wins no favours. Test a few at a store on different parts of your skin, then leave without buying. Every fragrance smells slightly different on each person. A few days later, choose the one that keeps popping out and lingers, and use it sparingly.
Clean, well-coloured and lightly scented gets you in the room on the right footing.
2. Wear confidence, even if it’s fake at first
Confidence is odd, because some people who seem confident are just better at pretending, and pretending is not that hard. As you enter a room, smile, look around and give a quick wave.
If someone waves back, walk over, even if they are in a group. If nobody does, go to the closest group. Say you hope you are not interrupting, introduce yourself to everyone one by one and repeat each name after they say it.
Then find something positive about one person, only one, and keep it away from their natural looks so that others in the group do not feel left out. Great jacket works better than you are so beautiful. The advice is to compliment someone of your own sex. The reasoning is that our brains read interactions faster than we can keep up and are always scanning for threats, so a confident woman who immediately compliments a man in the group can put the other women on guard, and the same goes the other way round. It may not be rational or fair, but it makes life easier.
The effect is a message that you are not threatened, which is why you can give the compliment, and that you are there to bring good energy to the group.
3. Say nothing, do nothing, at first
It is tempting to connect by describing the soaking walk over in the rain. That backfires: it is negative, it makes the conversation about you and it is boring.
You have made your entrance and introductions, so now step back and listen. Let them return to the conversation they were having. Ask questions when you need clarification, do not volunteer information about yourself and do not try to relate by topping their story with a crazier one.
If someone asks you a question, answer authentically with enough detail to interest them but not so much that you bore them, and finish by asking them or the group something in return.
The most interesting people tend to share their stories much later in the evening, when people already like them. Liking someone at first has little to do with their stories and a lot to do with the questions they ask.
Early on, being interested beats being interesting.
Where the video leaves it
The script stops at the point where the question becomes which questions to ask, and says there is more to cover on what to say when it is your turn, body language and how to keep the likeability factor going.
What you can do today is simple: sort out your colours and scent, walk in warm, make your introductions and then listen.
FAQ
How can I be more likeable?
The first steps are to dress well and smell good, wear confidence even if it is fake at first, and say little at the start while you listen and ask questions.
Does being likeable really matter?
Yes. Being likeable opens doors in networking, partnerships and leadership, builds your support system and improves how you feel about yourself.
How do I find colours that suit me?
Take a photo of your face in natural light and uploading it to the website colorwise.me, which gives you the colours that match your skin tone and hair.
How do I choose a signature scent?
Test a few on different parts of your body at a store, leave without buying, and a few days later pick the one that keeps standing out and lingers. Use it sparingly, because too strong is an instant turnoff.
What should I do after introducing myself to a group?
Step back and listen. Ask clarifying questions, avoid volunteering information about yourself and do not try to top their stories.
Why does the video say to be quiet at first?
Because talking about yourself, especially negatively, makes the conversation about you. The video says people initially like you for the questions you ask, not your stories.
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