The lessons people learn too late are that everything is temporary, life is not fair, family matters, you set how others treat you, today’s sacrifices pay later, health comes first, and a lifetime is shorter than it looks. Life teaches valuable lessons, but usually after the moment you needed them. This list gathers 15 of them, with a bonus, so you can learn them before the regret arrives.
They are grouped in five parts below, from accepting that nothing lasts to doing the math on how much free time you really have.
Watch the full video here, or skip to the breakdown below.
The 15 lessons at a glance
- 1 to 3. Impermanence, fairness and family (0:15)
- 4 to 6. Self-respect, sacrifice and health (2:28)
- 7 to 9. Criticism, possessions and dark nights (5:45)
- 10 to 12. Happiness, the present and self-interest (7:34)
- 13 to 15. Fear, the wide world and a short lifetime (9:41)
1 to 3. Impermanence, fairness and family
Everything is temporary. The family dog, relationships, the things you buy, and even you. Accepting it can be a reality-shattering experience, and we only grasp it after seeing it happen in our past. Everything we do will at some point be gone and forgotten, so you might as well go for it. Be grateful for what you have and inspired to chase what adds to your happiness, because you only get one shot.
Life is not fair. The promotion may go to someone smooth talking the boss even if you are more qualified and work harder. The person you like may prefer someone else. You see life through your own eyes, so you are biased, and the other 8 billion people are doing the same, so it cannot be perfect for everyone at once. The world does not owe you anything, and thinking you deserve something does not guarantee it.
Family matters more than friends. You cannot choose your family, but nobody is willing to go further for you. Friends stand beside you in the trenches, while family is the one willing to put you above themselves. Talk to your parents while you still have them, keep up with your siblings, and spend time with your kids, because they need you more than anything else.
Have as many real friends as you can, and do not take family for granted.
4 to 6. Self-respect, sacrifice and health
Others treat you the way you treat yourself, not the way you treat them. How you present yourself and what you think of yourself are in your control, and once you accept a different set of beliefs, the way you perceive the world changes. The script offers an experiment: move to a new city where nobody knows you, change your clothes, music, speech and interests, and the new people will treat you differently. Have more respect for yourself and stand up for what you believe, because these small things haunt you when you are old.
The sacrifices you make today pay dividends in the future. The main regret of people in the second half of life is not taking enough action, which the script calls the invisible sacrifice: choosing not to go for the life you want and ending up with the only life that is left. It affects career, relationships, health and who you are. The rearview mirror is always crystal clear, but by then turning things around is hard.
Sacrificing your health for success is not worth it. We always want more, and very few know when to stop. Money matters most until you get it, and then you are left with your physical and mental health. Hustle and struggle are part of success when you are young, but it does not matter how fast you push if you cannot keep it up for the long run.
The rearview mirror is always crystal clear.
7 to 9. Criticism, possessions and dark nights
The fear of embarrassment or criticism should not stop you from being who you are. People judge you to feel better about themselves, and it is never about you. The more you outgrow others, the more they throw shade to even up the perception. Criticism is a sign you are breaking from the pack, and feedback points you in the right direction. Know the difference and you will stop worrying about what others think.
Things do not really matter that much. When you are young you want what others have, believing it will improve your life. Possessions are raw materials moved from one place to another, and we want things because we are sold on wanting them. Will you care in ten years that you own the latest phone? You need tools, not things, and nobody needs more than a couple of essentials to get the job done.
Even the longest night is followed by a morning. Some things take more than twelve hours to pass, maybe months or years, but however dark it looks, a day will come when you feel better. The script says bad times, like good times, are temporary, and that mindset helps you push through the hardest parts.
Criticism says you are breaking from the pack. Feedback points the way.
10 to 12. Happiness, the present and self-interest
Happiness is a choice. It does not depend on other people or their approval; you experience it when reality matches your expectations. The good news is you can choose it, and the bad news is that it takes real effort. Happiness is not constant but more of a mood, and the mood comes from how you position yourself in regard to your situation. If you think you have a long way to go and things are getting harder, it is hard to find. If you think you are on the right path, you have the tools and you trust your ability to commit, your outlook brightens.
This moment right now is your moment. We think of life as a whole, but it is made of moments like this one. Most people learn the importance of the moment too late and miss opportunities. You look at the past to learn and the future to get inspired, but what you do today is the only thing that really matters.
Everyone is out for themselves. Everyone is the hero of their own movie and wants to ride into the sunset with their own soundtrack. Since birth, you have been the most important thing you have ever experienced, and others feel the same about themselves. Since not everyone can be the lead in the same movie, people will try to get that sunset for themselves. Seeing this helps you see others for what they are: humans just like you.
What you do today is the only thing that really matters.
13 to 15. Fear, the wide world and a short lifetime
Beneath anger is always fear. When we suffer for long, we blame something outside us that we hate. Beneath that sits fear of loss, of vulnerability, of letting go. Fear is your body’s response to a perceived dangerous situation, an impulse rather than a detailed analysis. You cannot make it go away, but you can accept it, let it pass and move on.
The world is bigger than you will ever experience. You will never see everything it offers or run out of things to do, so the worst thing you can do is accept boredom because you think you have seen it all. If the world were a book, it would be a shame to read only a couple of pages.
A lifetime is not very long. Life feels abundant because we compare what we have lived with what we think is left. Take an average lifespan of 80 years. Subtract the third spent sleeping and you have 53. Subtract roughly 10 years of working from 25 to 65 and you have 43. People spend 44% of their waking hours looking at screens, and after chores the script says the average 20-year-old has less than 30 free years.
Do the math on your free years, then spend them on purpose.
Bonus: comfortable does not mean worry-free
A stress-free life is not a life without problems but a life full of solutions. People avoid doing things to protect themselves from having to worry about them, and that leads to a lacklustre life. Being stress-free means being good at solving problems, not at avoiding them altogether.
Read the whole list again with that in mind. Most of these lessons cost nothing but attention, and attention is the one thing you can give them today.
FAQ
What are the lessons people learn too late in life?
The video lists 15, including that everything is temporary, life is not fair, family matters, health beats success, things do not matter much, happiness is a choice and a lifetime is not very long.
What is the invisible sacrifice?
The video uses the term for choosing not to go for the life you want and ending up with the only life that is left. It says the main regret of people in the second half of life is not taking enough action.
Why do people criticize others?
The video says people judge to feel better about themselves, and it is never about you. The more you outgrow others, the more shade they throw to even up the perception.
Is happiness really a choice?
The video says yes, but it takes effort. Happiness is a mood that depends on how you position yourself in regard to your situation, such as feeling on the right path with the tools you need.
How much free time do you actually have in a lifetime?
The video does a thought experiment with an 80-year lifespan: subtract sleep, work and screen time and chores, and the average 20-year-old has less than 30 free years.
Keep reading
- 15 LESSONS People Learn Too Late in Life
- 15 Life-Changing Lessons We Learned in 2023
- 15 Reasons Why It’s Not Too Late To Change Your Life
