The lessons that take longest to learn are the ones that only look obvious in hindsight, such as that money is only a tool for freedom and that you are responsible for everything you do. You do not have as much time as you think. Some of the most important lessons become clear only in retrospect, and people learn them the hard way.
This list is a chance to learn 15 of them now, plus a bonus, so you benefit from them for the rest of your life.
Watch the full video here, or skip to the breakdown below.
The 15 lessons at a glance
- It was never about the money (0:27)
- You’re responsible for everything (1:03)
- You regret not doing it more than the failure (1:40)
- Not everyone wants to be fixed (2:18)
- Present input is your future output (2:52)
- Forgive your parents (5:11)
- Words spoken are no longer yours (6:02)
- Bad things happen to good people (6:28)
- Character raises children (6:56)
- Not everyone lives up to their potential (7:32)
- Life gets lonely after 45 (8:03)
- People think less about you (8:36)
- You are the common denominator of your problems (9:09)
- Don’t quit when things get hard (10:00)
- Find out what you want early (10:33)
1. It was never about the money
You need to get the money first before you realise money was only ever a tool. Money is a tool, and it is what you use to get to safety.
Peel the onion and you find you want money because it validates your effort, protects your family and fixes money problems. The real object is the freedom it buys. Once you are free, more money becomes an impediment to your wellbeing.
2. You’re responsible for everything
You are not responsible for other people’s happiness, but you are responsible for your own, and for your health and lifestyle. Nothing will come to you. You have to roll up your sleeves and go after every single thing.
You have two choices. Act as if your life is predetermined and there is no point trying, or act as if nothing has been written and you hold the pen. Every successful person falls in the second group.
3. You regret not doing it more than the failure
Living with the regret of not trying is more painful and taxing over time than a failed attempt. Trying and failing is what lets you improve.
Realising that you are unskilled is the first step toward getting good, and it means you are acquiring knowledge. Everything great in life sits on the other side of fear, failure and rejection, which is life’s way of keeping out the pretenders.
4. Not everyone wants to be fixed
You cannot help people who do not want help, and not everyone wants what you want from life. Forcing an outcome on someone is like a child crushing a square into a triangle shape: it creates tension, frustration and resentment.
Under the veil of love, you may be building resentment. We all live with our own choices, and until someone makes the choice themselves, nothing will fix them.
5. Present input is your future output
What you do today tilts what tomorrow will be. People think life happens in leaps, but humans are bad at seeing far into the future.
In aviation, the One Degree Rule says a plane one degree off course misses its destination by one mile for every 60 flown. Two planes leaving together with a one degree difference drift so far apart that one can barely catch up. Wealth and happiness work the same way. In the first years the gap is barely noticeable, then it keeps growing.
Keep investing in yourself and making better choices, and before long you are the multi-millionaire at the high school reunion looking around in shock.
6. Forgive your parents
Parents are not perfect, and it is their first time going through life as well. The script says this lesson takes a long time because you often learn it only after they are gone, when you see how selfish both sides have been.
Carrying sorrows to the grave is too high a price when a simple “I was wrong, so was I” could solve it. One caveat: you are not your parent’s parent, and you are not meant to sacrifice your happiness to deliver theirs. Both of you can be happy only if you make peace with who the other person is.
7. Words spoken are no longer yours
You do not have to say everything you think. Words are feelings encapsulated in speech, and people always remember how you made them feel.
When you are young you talk a lot because you crave validation and do not know how to keep your mouth shut. Only later do you learn how much power there is in listening.
8. Bad things happen to good people
It is a fact of life. Many people think life is a meritocracy where those who deserve more get more. More often, the rewards go to those who grab them, even if they are less worthy.
In modern society, a bias for action along with belief and confidence trumps everything and shapes reality to your whims.
9. Character raises children
Choose a partner you like now and will like in the future. Most people forget the second part.
Who you spend the rest of your life with is one of the most asymmetric choices you make, with extraordinary or horrible consequences. So choose with an eye on the future. The video adds that, contrary to social media, there is nothing wrong with dating a man similar to your father if your father is a good man.
10. Not everyone lives up to their potential
Potential is a delicate seed. Not every soil is fertile, and not every hand is able enough to tend its growth.
Some people abandon their path not from lack of ability but because of the comfort of safer or easier options. Every day you choose between living up to your potential and watching another re-run of The Office.
11. Life gets lonely after 45
After a while all beaches look the same, all churches feel the same and all airports feel the same, and the only thing that grows is a strange loneliness. The script is speaking here to people who decide not to have kids.
You can be as vocal as you like when young about not wanting kids, but the clock is ticking. It can take years or decades to see what you are missing. The trap is that by the time you decide you want it, you might not be able to, and that regret renders everything else pretty useless.
12. People think less about you
We live more in our heads than in reality. When we do not know exactly what reality is like, our minds make it up. That is why, in the script’s words, you are what you think others think you are.
It boils down to an illusion of self. You can waste your whole life trying to impress or win the approval of people you do not care for, and who do not care about you.
13. You are the common denominator of your problems
There is no secret and no magic. No philosopher’s stone, no guru with all the answers. No trainer will get you fit, no monk will make you happy, and no coach can make you rich.
You are the architect, designer, writer, actor and main character of your life. Whatever you consider God or the universe is watching you live it out without intervening. You are the cause of your problems, and the good news is that you are fully able to fix them.
14. Don’t quit when things get hard
Persistence and grit are the absolutes when it comes to turning life’s scales in your favour. Put 10 to 20 years into something and you would be a fool not to make progress.
Most people quit at 60%. They try something halfway, quit, and start something else that they will quit halfway. Almost all plans will get you where you want to go. Just stop changing the plan all the time.
15. Find out what you want early
We do not get what we wish for. We get what we plan and execute on. It is not rare to find people in their 40s and 50s confused or disappointed about how life turned out.
The dreaded question of what you want to be when you grow up has roots in a happy life. The aim is not to throw away what made you happy, but to grow toward happiness, success and play. Ask yourself what a happy life looks like, what success looks like and what play means to you. The combination of the three is your north star, and you only need to be directionally right.
If you do not tell the universe where you are going, it will ignore you and others will choose your future for you.
Bonus: to get it in the future, you have to live in the present. The past is for reflection, the present for enjoyment and the future for growth.
Learn it before it costs you
Most of these lessons share one move: they shift attention from what you cannot control to what you can. Your choices, your effort, your words and your direction are yours.
If one of the 15 landed hard, that is the one to act on first. The script asks readers to share a lesson they learned too late, so the next person can learn it sooner.
FAQ
What life lessons take the longest to learn?
The video lists 15, including that money is a tool for freedom, that you are responsible for everything, that you regret not trying more than failing, and that the sooner you decide what you want, the sooner you get there.
What is the One Degree Rule?
It comes from aviation. A plane one degree off course misses its destination by one mile for every 60 miles flown. The script uses it to show how small daily choices lead to very different lives over time.
Why do people regret not trying?
The script says the regret of never trying is more painful and taxing long term than a failed attempt, and that trying and failing is what lets you improve.
Why do most people fail to reach their goals?
The video says most people quit at 60% and start something else, when almost any plan would work if they stopped changing it.
What does it mean that you are the common denominator of your problems?
It means no guru, trainer or coach can fix your life for you. You are the architect of it, so you cause your problems and are also able to fix them.
Keep reading
- 15 LESSONS People Learn Too Late in Life
- 15 Life-Changing Lessons We Learned in 2023
- 15 Reasons Why It’s Not Too Late To Change Your Life
