Stop expecting other people to make your life great, read your mind or care as much as you do, because you are the only one holding the steering wheel. Everyone else may hop on and off the bus of your life, but they are not the ones driving it. It does not tell you to become a lone wolf. Its case is that a smart way of relating to people gets you the best outcome for yourself.
Here are the 15 expectations it says to drop, with the reasoning behind each.
Watch the full video here, or skip to the breakdown below.
The 15 expectations at a glance
- A rescuer who makes your life great (0:37)
- The potential you see in them (1:27)
- Mind reading (2:22)
- A source of happiness (3:08)
- Understanding of your change (3:58)
- Answers and a grasp of your problems (5:58)
- Universal approval (7:01)
- The same show of loyalty you give (7:48)
- Staying past their time (8:42)
- Riches handed to you without work (9:29)
- Being their priority (11:25)
- Everyone having their act together (12:08)
- Forgiveness on demand (12:49)
- A shared road (13:22)
- Equal care for what you care about (13:59)
1. A rescuer who makes your life great
Nobody is coming to save you. They are too busy gasping for air themselves. Some people are still waiting for their life to start, for something to happen and life to begin.
What messes up your life most is the image in your head of what it should look like. That reality does not appear on its own. You build it brick by brick until one day the bricks add up to your own fairytale castle. Until then, see the world for what it is, not what you want it to be.
2. The potential you see in them
A claim that, it says, will change how you look at life: the potential you see in other people is not real. It is a reflection of what you would do in their shoes.
They may lack your drive, your dreams or the data set you base decisions on. You are you and they are them. Offer support when they ask, but push it on them and you only create distance. What you are really saying is that they are not good enough as they are, and some will take that personally.
3. Mind reading
Parents, partners and employees cannot meet a standard you never spelled out. Unless you have a mutual understanding and repeat it, do not expect them to know what you want. Faulting people for missing an unspoken bar is the easiest thing in the world, and if it happens, the video says, that is on you.
Assumptions are the termites of relationships. They eat away at the structure the relationship stands on. Stop assuming, start asking and start showing.
4. A source of happiness
This whole video is about taking back control of your life. That means ending the habit of handing others power over what you do, feel, wear, where you are and who you are with.
If you depend on other people for happiness, you will always be miserable, just as measuring wealth by money alone leaves you poor. The video’s alternative is to let life pour through you, good and bad, and get to a point where you are fine by default. Then happiness, when it arrives, feels even better.
5. Understanding of your change
The flip side is that you should not expect them to stay the same either. Growth is the premise of life. A seed’s purpose is to bloom, and we are all seeds that change with water and sunshine.
Only people who resent your progress are those secretly wishing they would do the same. People may say you have changed. As the Jay-Z line goes, you worked so hard to stay the same? Change is good if it makes you better.
6. Answers and a grasp of your problems
Others will not care about your problems the way you do, and the video gives three reasons:
- They have urgent problems of their own.
- They lack the big picture and do not know what you know.
- It is you who has to solve it. It is your bridge to cross.
What is a level 10 threat to you may be a level 5 to them, because everything feels bigger when it happens to us. Some people will volunteer to help, but as long as they are your only lifeline, you are in trouble. Never put yourself in that position again.
7. Universal approval
Better still, stop trying to get everyone to like you. It is fine for some people not to, and you should not let it eat at your soul.
The price of pleasing everyone is misery. You twist, present yourself as someone you are not, and even existing starts to feel like work. It is far easier to find your crowd than to mold yourself into a shape that is unnatural, and you will be happier once you drop the pursuit.
8. The same show of loyalty you give
The world is not balanced, whatever Thanos thought. You have your values and timeline, and they have theirs. They do not have your heart, your soul or your vision, and it is often not malice, even when the matter was personal to you.
Everyone is a unique mix of past experience, so judging how people should behave is a race you cannot win. What you can do is set an undeniable standard: always show up and do your best because it makes you feel you are doing the right thing. You do it for yourself, not for everyone else.
9. Staying past their time
Some people will realize they can no longer grow alongside you, and you have to let them go. This covers everyone: a lover for whom it no longer feels right, a child ready to move out, or a parent who passes away.
If their time has come, it can pain you to your core, but they have their own path even if you wish they would stay. Let them go with grace and, as cheesy as it sounds, be glad it happened.
10. Riches handed to you without work
This one is called brutal. It claims that statistically you will not earn more than 50% of what you earn now, and that lifestyle costs rise by the same amount. Unless something radical changes, you probably keep the same earning trajectory for the next 10 to 20 years.
It sees two blockers: you lack a foundation for building wealth and have no idea what you should be doing, and you do not know where to start or the first steps feel too small. Many people want to get rich in six months while the rich have been working at it for decades. Money needs time to compound, and those who think a decade is too long will always stay poor.
11. Being their priority
People are selfish by design, the video says, calling it a survival mechanism. They will be there when it is advantageous for them, and you may see it from friends and even from family if they are toxic as human beings.
It argues this is why marriage matters, and not only legally: you go from me and you to we, and we becomes the priority. As long as both sides keep their luggage by the door, nobody can afford to go all in.
12. Everyone having their act together
They will break apart, let you down and skip work they were supposed to do. Life is a group project where not everyone carries equal weight.
A swipe is also taken at a generation that likes to think of itself as broken, saying it feels the word trauma is losing meaning while people grow softer, even though trauma itself is real. Growth is non-linear, and you and they may be at different stages. Be kind where you can.
13. Forgiveness on demand
If you hurt someone, do not expect forgiveness, even if you have changed. Actions have consequences, and so do words. Once they leave your mouth they are no longer yours to retract.
Forgiveness is not something to demand even when you feel you earned it. Accept the fault, move on, and they will come to you when they are ready.
14. A shared road
You share a stretch of the road with some people and assume you will go the whole way together. As you grow, learn and progress, you drift apart.
Make an effort to keep the people you value and let the others go. You cannot expect everyone to move at your pace, work as hard as you do or see the vision you see.
15. Equal care for what you care about
People perceive scale differently. You may think astronomically big while those around you cannot comprehend the vision, and so they are less driven. The video says it tried everything, even giving people shares, and something still did not connect.
Nobody will care as much as you about what is deeply important to you. Some people are meant to stay where they are and coast through life without the big rewards or sacrifices. That is fine, the video says, but do not make them part of your plans, because they will hold you back.
Bonus: negative visualization
The bonus exercise is a way to ground yourself and feel grateful. Picture the worst outcome for everyone you hold dear, losing them or seeing them in pain, and notice how your soul squirms. Then return to the present and see how calm things are and how fortunate you are.
If you can, go hug them and tell them what they mean to you.
FAQ
What should I stop expecting from other people?
The video lists 15 things, including that others will make your life great, read your mind, make you happy, like you, or care as much as you do. The common thread is that you hold the steering wheel.
Why shouldn’t I expect people to read my mind?
Because they cannot meet a standard you never communicated. Assumptions eat away at relationships, so the advice is to stop assuming and start asking and showing.
Is the potential I see in others real?
The video argues it is not. It says that potential is a reflection of what you would do in their shoes, so you should accept people as they are right now.
How do I handle people who drift away as I grow?
Make an effort to keep the people you value and let the rest go with grace. Not everyone moves at your pace or sees the vision you see.
What is negative visualization?
It is an exercise of imagining the worst happening to the people you love, then returning to the present to feel how calm and fortunate things are right now.
Keep reading
- 15 Things Poor People Think Rich People Do (That They Actually Don’t)
- 15 Ridiculous Things Rich People Have to Explain to Poor People
- 15 Things Poor People Don’t Know About Making Money
