I was quite people savvy during my teens, twenties, thirties, and even forties, but have recently, in my fifties, begun to view self-protecting interactions as self-serving manipulations.
The fact of the matter, though, is that you’re helping yourself by being helpful toward others, provided you make them realize that you’ve gone a great length out of your way to accommodate them or their needs, and provided you also demand the same of them.
Most people would perceive you to be naive and innocent, and would exploit you if you tell them that it was a breeze that didn’t really inconvenience you or eat up into your other priorities, and would exploit you for your naivete without even appreciating what you did for them or being grateful for it. They’ll be tempted to use you as a slave who simply loves to please them and has no other priorities in his life.
When you demand the same of them, that also makes them realize that someday they would have to return the favor, and this would prevent them from working you as an all-too-eager slave for the fear of being abused in return.
While I ultimately agree, we do have to be very careful about the idea. It’s one thing to not apologize for something such as your past, that doesn’t necessarily create a free pass to throw it around as a reason for everything you do. But, then again, those who fully own their past don’t go about doing that.
Enough apologizing, enough drudging – those types of things just hold us back, and our energy needs to be put to moving forward. Onward and up!
I’m someone who’s known for speaking his mind out—speaking truth to authority, standing up for one’s self and others, and all the B.S. that goes with it—however, I’ve never taken kindly to subordinates and others who’ve spoken the truth to me.
Human nature doesn’t take kindly to criticism because, at times, the critique could undermine one’s system of beliefs or one’s intellectual ability and judgement, so it would make sense not to be too upfront and to politely make an excuse instead of an outright refusal. This can provide you with ample time to ponder over the issue, arrive at an informed decision, and then articulate a rational not an emotional response. It would also help you leave your options open to avoid prematurely scuttling a potentially rewarding relationship.
Having said that, it is actually quite easy to ascertain the relationships that need to be severed. If someone doesn’t respect you, that is doesn’t value your opinion, your time, your happiness or or your dignity , then that person is just using and abusing you. How can a person care for you or love you, when that person can’t even inconvenience herself with the respect, the consideration, and the time that you deserve. In these instances, you have to say “no” to abuse. In other instances, it would make sense to resort to a polite excuse in lieu of an outright “no”.
I found ALUX about 2 months ago and at a current age of 60 its a gigantic WOW!!!! Lets see some videos about late bloomers!!!!
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