Wedding Rings Are Tighter Than They’ve Ever Felt, and It’s Not Only Because of the Lock Down.
Divorce parties are trending.
Car banners shouting, “Just Divorced,” cake toppers boldly stating “Free at Last” and a “divorce support crew” to celebrate the newly disintegrated nuptials are becoming standard practise… but what causes 50% of marriages to become null and void?
Let’s head down the Unhappily Ever Afters, and the I don’ts to find out why 50% of marriages end in divorce.
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With that out of the way, let’s dive straight into the first reason causing the heart-splits.
Yes Aluxers, you read that correct, gender equality. In countries with more women in the workforce, earning better salaries, the divorce rate is higher.
Research has recently confirmed that women who get a promotion at work often ask for a divorce shortly thereafter.
In households where the wife earns more, divorce is also more prevalent. The risk of divorce increases by 33% when women earn more than men and marketwatch.com affirms that ego plays a big part in this, and we’re not just referring to the men.
Money, Sex, Status, Biological Clock
What do those words have in common? They are all cited as reasons why people get married… and no surprises, they’re all the wrong reasons!
If you marry for any of these reasons, your marriage will be on the rocks before you’re able to pour a double shot of whiskey.
There’s a great proverb that says, “He who marries for money, earns it.” It might be fun and games in the beginning, but money runs out, people change when money is involved, and things can get pretty messy.
Same goes for sex – Aluxers – if you’re marrying because that person is fan-fuck*ng-tastic in the sack, it’s not going to last. Be friends and love that person first, you can always work on the sex as you grow together as a couple.
Status is short-lived and marrying just because you want a baby is hellishly selfish to the person you’re marrying. Don’t be that guy or girl… you’re better than that Aluxers.
Your Partner Is a Mamma’s Boy
Moms do their boy children a massive disservice by treating them like little princes. They grow up expecting sh*t to be done for them and they take zero responsibility for their actions.
Mamma’s boys put their mommy’s first all the time and any guy or girl they’re dating will always come second place. They’re heavily influenced by their mommy’s opinion and need to run everything by her first.
They’re usually lazy too, dropping socks next to the laundry basket, leaving chicken bones in the plate in the sink, leaving the toothpaste lid off… ok, we need to slow down here, but suffice to say, divorce is imminent if you’re married to one of these.
Couples Stop Trying
Aluxers, marriage is damn hard work. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. There’s no such thing as 50 / 50. It’s 100 / 100 and if one can only give 20, then you need to give 180. It takes a lot of willpower and courage to keep going when things are hard.
Many people give up, especially when the romance is dead. Couples get lazy, too comfortable and don’t make an effort anymore. This can often lead to a partner feeling neglected and look to seek affirmation and excitement elsewhere.
This situation is easily avoidable. And even if it’s just you putting the effort in initially, your partner will make the changes too, just give it time.
Remind yourself of the reasons why you fell in love in the first place and start re-creating those beautiful memories.
Mo Money, Big Problems
Money does affect a marriage, there is no denying it, and the lack thereof can go two ways. Either people stay together because it’s not financially viable to split up, which is a tough situation to find yourself in. Or, they split up because the lack of finances causes too much strain on their marriage.
Another area where money comes into play is when couples have different spending habits. One likes to blow through their earnings, buying crap and the other likes to save and plan. These relationships rarely work out and are one of the main reasons people get divorced.
True Colours Are Revealed When the Doors Are Closed
You probably know a couple that got divorced and people said, “They always seemed like the “perfect couple.”
Aluxers, there is no such thing as the perfect couple. As we said, marriage is hard work. There’s a beautiful and apt quote that says, “A true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.”
We never know what happens behind closed doors. Many marriages end because of domestic violence, a trait often hidden until the wedding bands are on.
Domestic violence takes many forms, including emotional abuse, economic abuse, social isolation, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and stalking.
Aluxers, if you find yourself going through any of these in your marriage or relationship, we urge you to seek professional help and guidance and don’t be afraid or embarrassed to reach out to those closest to you.
You’ve Lost Your Own Identity
It happens so quickly, and often you’re not even aware that it’s happening. Your friends tell you that they’re seeing you less and less. Your family say they’ve forgotten what your face looks like and over time, you don’t even recognize the person staring back at you in the mirror.
Who are you?
What happened to the person you used to be?
What made you change?
When did the change occur?
Do you even like that person looking back at you?
When you realize you’ve lost everything you are and everything you once strived to be, divorce is often the only solution.
Have a Baby / Don’t Have a Baby
Babies can spell the end of marriage. This can happen in many ways.
The most common is that one person desires a baby and the other doesn’t. The other way is the couple want a baby and once the baby is there, one realizes how much hard work it is and wants out. Then there’s still the case of being childless and entering a marriage where the partner already has children, and the partner doesn’t want any more children but the childless one does.
The sad thing about being in this situation, is that it’s hard to avoid the resentment that usually follows.
If you find yourself at this crossroad, seeking professional help is never a bad idea.
If you’re ahead of the debate and have decided to go for a baby, it’s a bet you will enjoy looking at the “Most Expensive Baby Cribs in the World“.
Your Life Goals Are Not in Sync
You want to sell everything, live a minimalist life, buy a camper van, and spend the rest of your years traveling. Your partner wants to climb the corporate ladder and buy a holiday home on Marsha’s Vineyard.
How will those ideas gel properly?
It’s not isolated to life goals either.
For example, if you’re an early riser and your partner sleeps till noon – that’s not going to work well for either of you. You’re more turned on midday, and your other half wants to make love at midnight, that’s not going to work. You love hitting the clubs, they love staying home to watch YouTube videos. . . these differences rarely find success long-term in marriage.
Your Definition of Happiness Is Completely Different
It’s simple. Your happiness is picnicking in the park, your respective other hates ants. You love hiking, they hate exercise. You love growing your own veggies, they won’t let a pea pass their lips.
Many people believe the difficult part about marriage is finding the “right” person… but once you’re married, you realize that was the easy bit! The problem is when we go into marriage with unrealistic expectations and when those expectations are not met, the disappointment is far greater.
Like writer, Daniel Carrillo tweeted, “Marriage is saying, do we need anything from the grocery store?” a bunch of times until one of you dies.”
Aluxers, there are mundane times, but there are good times too. And you need to strike the right balance for marital bliss.
You Think Marriage Is a Band-Aid for an Already Broken Relationship
Before walking down the aisle, saying I do and smashing cake into each other’s faces, write down the reasons why you are marrying that person. Be honest and highlight the good and the bad.
If things have not been smooth sailing while dating and you think marriage will fix the problems you have, think again. You know how painful it is to rip a band-aid off, it’s a lot worse to divorce.
If you’re not able to sort out your differences while dating, you sure as hell won’t be able to sort them out when married, and Aluxers, there is nothing worse than fighting over who gets to keep the dog!
It’s messy, expensive, exhausting and even though the dog whisperer confirmed the dog wants to stay with you, you can be certain that the divorce lawyer won’t take that sworn statement into account.
“Grey Divorce” Is on the Rise
Also called Silver Splitter or Diamond Divorcees, grey divorce refers to couples over the age of 50 filing for divorce.
There has been a significant increase in grey divorces over the past 20-years, and it’s not caused by empty nest syndrome as many would expect. Reasons include couples growing apart, different sex drives, boredom after retirement, active vs passive lifestyles, correcting past mistakes, and longer life expectancy.
Coming up – this 21st century problem is slowly becoming a common reason for many divorces.
Finger Pointing, the Blame Game and Taking Zero Responsibly
When you are blamed for everything that goes wrong in your partners life, you may as well accept that the divorce that is bound to follow, will be blamed on you.
Partners who behave like this usually show narcissistic tendencies, and Aluxers, you can be certain that you can try and change and do the “right” thing, but nothing you do will ever be “right” to a narcissist.
So, if you find yourself feeling stressed out about making this very difficult decision, take some time out by doing our meditation course – find it on alux.com/mindmastery
Communication Is Dead
Aluxers, no one is a mind-reader. Yet, we don’t actively communicate with our partners to tell them exactly what we need. That’s a problem that can be fixed.
What can’t be fixed, is when one partner is communicating, but it’s falling on deaf ears. When our needs are verbalised and they’re not met, resentment builds up and creates a toxic environment that is very difficult to get through.
If saying what you need upsets your partner, and they decide to leave, let them go. You deserve better than that, anyway.
Next up – he’s just tested positive for Covid… What do Trump and divorce have in common? Let’s find out!
Voting for the “Wrong” Presidential Candidate
So, yes, Trump has tested positive for Covid-19 and at the age of 74, he’s a high-risk case. We’re pretty sure he’s getting the best medical care and that doctors are not injecting him with disinfectants.
We digress. So, several divorces were filed when respected partners discovered their other half had voted for Trump.
Sadly, this was the point of no return, and we now pronounce their marriage dead.
If you’ve gone through a divorce Aluxers, what was the reason behind it? We appreciate you sharing your stories with us.