Talking to your elders is one of the cheapest and best ways to learn how to live well, because they have the one thing you cannot buy: life experience. This article explains why we ignore their advice, what research says about it, and two questions that start the conversation.
| Step | What to do |
|---|---|
| Make time | Set aside an hour, with tea if you like |
| Ask | What have you learned about life? What would you tell your younger self? |
| Listen | Do not argue or fix, just listen |
| Write it down | Keep the stories that stick |
Most of us, young and hungry and destined for greatness, ignore one of the best sources of life advice available: our elders. You might think “old people are boring, they don’t get us.” You may be right some of the time, yet you would be missing the one thing they have that you cannot buy, which is experience. This video of a boy and a man talking about life, 57 years apart, makes the case better than we can.
Why we ignore advice from older people
We are used to reading lists like 55 things every man should do in his lifetime. We acknowledge them, move on, and assume the message will sit somewhere in our subconscious and guide future decisions. Usually it does not.
The reason has more to do with emotional intelligence than with information. Facts that are not tied to something close to the heart do not stay with us. We have all met people who live by a few golden rules passed on to them, and who rarely go against them, because those rules came with a story and a person they loved.
What older people can teach you
Older people are a goldmine of life wisdom that many of us rush past. Someday we will be the ones sitting in their shoes, maybe with more money, maybe with a few mistakes we had to learn from ourselves, and probably after chasing goals that did not lead to the happiness we expected.
Whether your elders were successful or not, they have something you could not buy: life experience. A saying in our family about trees makes the point. What is the quickest way to get a 50-year-old tree? Answer: 50 years. The only way to get that kind of experience is to go through the process, and the second best thing is to learn from someone who has.
Researchers have noticed too. The Cornell sociologist Karl Pillemer started his Legacy Project in 2004 to tap the practical life wisdom of older people, after growing tired of research that treated them mostly as a problem to be solved. And the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has followed participants since 1938, found that men who thrived in their relationships at 50 were healthier at 80.
How to start the conversation
Take your time, make some tea, and listen. It is an investment in yourself that costs nothing. Two questions to start with:
- What is the one thing you have learned about life?
- What is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?
You get access to years of real experience for the price of a little of your time. In our experience, people are glad to share it.
This is an unusual article for us, written because the thought was worth putting down. Next time you are around someone who has already made most of the mistakes you are about to make, we hope this article comes to mind.
Keep reading
- 55 things every man should do in his lifetime: the bucket list referenced here
- 15 decisions you won’t regret 20 years from now: the kind of lessons older people often share
- The real definitions of success: what elders often say matters in the end
FAQ
Why should young people talk to older people?
Older people have life experience you cannot buy, and conversations tied to real stories and emotions stay with you better than lists of advice.
What should I ask my grandparents or an elder?
Start with: what is the one thing you have learned about life, and what advice would you give your younger self?
What is the Legacy Project?
A research project begun in 2004 by Cornell sociologist Karl Pillemer to gather practical life wisdom from older people.
Do relationships affect health in old age?
In the Harvard Study of Adult Development, those who were thriving in their relationships at age 50 were more physically healthy at 80.
What if my grandparents are no longer around?
Ask other elders in your life: a mentor, a neighbor, a former boss, or a community group. Many are glad to be asked.
Does intergenerational conversation help older people too?
Many older people enjoy being asked for their experience, and the conversation can be rewarding for both sides.
Last updated: October 2026.
