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15 Signs The Person You’re Dating is Not “THE ONE”

20 May 2021

Do You Feel Unsure Of Your Relationship? Read on to Clear Your Doubts about Whether or Not Your Partner Is “The One”.

There is no such thing as a perfect match. Every relationship has a fair amount of compromise. However, that compromise shouldn’t be at the expense of your self-confidence, values or lifestyle. So, we compiled a snag list or maybe a “nag” list of signs that the one you’re dating isn’t our soulmate and THE ONE.

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With that done, let’s move on to the first sign.

1

You Keep Making Excuses for That Person

If you find yourself always making excuses for the person you’re dating; either because their behaviour isn’t socially acceptable, or they’re just absent from social situations, they’re not the one.

If phrases like “oh, she’s just really stressed at work,” or “he’s been really tired lately” are commonly uttered, then it sounds like your lover can’t keep up with your lifestyle or doesn’t want to.

 A person that wants to be with you, will be with you. They won’t make excuses and they won’t say inappropriate things. You won’t need to make excuses for the right match.

2

You’re Not in Any Hurry to Introduce Them to the Family

When you meet the person of your dreams, and you feel secure in the relationship you will want to tell the world. And more importantly you won’t think twice about introducing them to your family.

If you’ve been in doubt about introducing the person you’re currently with to your family, it’s not just one of the signs, it’s a honking horn that you’re not fully invested in this person and they’re not your soulmate.

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3

The Person Doesn’t Add Value to Your Life

Even lettuce, as nutritionally devoid as it is, adds the value of crunch and a small amount of fibre to our lives.

So, if you’re with someone and it feels like they add less value than lettuce does, then you’re wasting your time.

It might be good for a while, but if you’re at the stage where you want a meaningful and potentially long-term relationship, then let-us be clear…this one’s not going to cut it.

4

You Battle to Make Plans for a Month Ahead, Let Alone a Lifetime

Long-term love is just that, long term, and when you are dating “The One” it isn’t hard to set dates in stone or make commitments even into the distant future.

If you’re not comfortable doing this, then you’re probably not comfortable with the thought of a future with the person you’re with. This doesn’t necessarily mean an end to the relationship, but it does mean acknowledging that this is more of a “good time” than a long-time thing.

5

You’re Never Quite on the Same Page

Sometimes a relationship can resemble a “Choose your own Adventure” book. And while that can all be extremely exciting, don’t expect to both land on the same happy ending!

If you don’t feel like the person you’re dating is on the same page of the adventure of life as you, then you need to decide if you feel you can adopt their adventure, or if you would rather go your own way.

6

You Find Their Quirks Embarrassing

As you get closer to your partner they become somewhat included into your “self-image”. It’s the old him and her becomes “we,” and they become part of us. This means that when they do something we find cringey, it also embarrasses us much more.

You might be the type of person where this will never change because you are prone to the “vicarious spotlight effect.” Which means that you think that things your partner does or says places you in the spotlight. A study on this effect by the University of Western Ontario tested how people felt when their partner did negative, neutral, and positive behaviours.

Most people only felt in the spotlight when the behaviour was negative. So, it is a natural response. The opposite was true if their partner achieved something or had a noteworthy title. Most people felt their self-image was lifted by this.

However, if your partner’s behaviour is too cringey to enjoy yourself in public, then as far as signs go, they probably aren’t your soulmate or a forever option for you. It is for better and for worse after all.

7

You’re Struggling to Have a Decent Conversation That Doesn’t End In an Argument

If talking about laundry ends in a ho-down you’re probably not with the right person. With someone you love there are some things that should just be easy and can come to a conclusion without trial and tribulations. You should be able to discuss topics, share points of view and vent frustrations without it becoming a heated argument that calls your relationship into the mix.

If this is the case, we’re sorry to say, it might be time to swipe left and keep searching for Mr or Ms Right for you.

If you’d like to see other relationship red flags, be sure to watch our video:

8

Your Partner Brings Out a Side of You That You Don’t Like

When you are in the throes of a passionate argument, do you find yourself saying things that sound like someone you don’t recognise? Or do you have a crazy-eyed jealous streak you never experienced before?

Nothing brings out the worst in us like being with the wrong person. If your partner has a wandering eye or makes you feel insignificant when others are around, then it’s bound to breed insecurity and jealousy. If you’re always told you’re wrong or your thoughts are crazy, then you’ll probably lose your cool or get bitter when you argue.

Be assured that the right person won’t bring out these things in you, but rather nurture the parts of you that you like.

9

You Compare Them to Other People

Have you ever been around friends and thought, I wish my partner was more like Ed, or did more kind things like Mary? Well, that’s not always a great sign. You’re kind of meant to be satisfied with the person you’re with and “forsake all others” and all that.

So, as far as signs go, this is flashing neon that you’re not dating your soulmate if you have your sights set on foreverville.

Aluxers, we highly recommend that you listen to Relationship Goals, How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex by Michael Todd. It has over 2,000 5-star ratings on Audible and will be highly beneficial to any relationship you’re in at the moment. Grab your free listen by heading to alux.com/freebook.

10

There Is No Respect

Love is something we can’t always control; we don’t always choose who we give love to. But when it comes to respect, it’s a different story. We can respect someone we don’t love as long as they do something we admire, or we know is difficult. Respect is a choice, and it’s difficult to be in a relationship with someone you don’t respect.

Respect means that someone cares about the feelings of others, gives value to their words and has time for them. A lack of respect is the opposite. If you don’t have respect for your partner, or vice versa, it is the biggest sign out of all signs that you’re not with who you should be with. And as the national network for women, womenwork.org, explains, respect is central to a good relationship.

Disrespecting your partner is a characteristic of an inferior man. Check out 15 Traits of the Inferior Man, to find out more such traits to look out for in a person. 

11

Your Partner Doesn’t Make You Feel Good About Yourself or Good Enough For Them

As far as signs go, another tell-tale sign that you’re not with your soulmate is that you don’t feel built up by your partner. Your partner should be your biggest fan and your number one cheerleader. In relationships like this, you see people go on to do phenomenal things in life. But if the root of not feeling good about yourself is your partners lack of enthusiasm, then you’re not in the right match.

Perhaps it’s not so much about you, but about “what a catch” they think they are. Does your partner lord over you, how lucky you are to be with them? And it kind of makes you feel like you’re not good enough? Well then you haven’t found “the one”, because when that happens, you BOTH will feel like the luckiest person alive.

12

You Picture Yourself with Someone Else

The biggest of all signs that you haven’t found your soulmate, is that you’re thinking of someone else. That’s a pretty legit way to know you’re not all in yet with the person you’re dating. When you picture your next vacation and the person next to you is someone other than your partner, then let that poor soul go, they deserve to be part of your wildest dreams.

13

They’re Just Not That into You but You’re Afraid to Let Go

You might have realised already that the person you’re dating isn’t that mad about you, but you’re just staying attached because it’s better than the alternative…duhn duhn duuuuuuhn…singleness. The truth is that many people have experienced singleness and survived!

And that’s backed by science just about everywhere you look.

If you’re just sticking with someone so you can share the rent, or to keep warm in winter, or because you don’t want anyone else to have them, then that’s pretty messed up and neither of you will know the potential happiness you could be having with someone else. Take that leap of faith and go forth and find someone 100% into you.

14

You Find Yourself Not Telling That Person Everything

If you’re with someone and you still keep some things a secret, then you’re probably not dating “The One”. When you meet that person and get close, you won’t need to keep things from them, or withhold the WHOLE truth because you trust them with the deepest part of you.

Just like you wouldn’t want to date someone who is withholding things from you, they probably feel the same. So as far as signs go, this one’s a red light to the person being your soulmate and this relationship being “The One.”

15

You Don’t Agree on Fundamental Things

Who cares if one of you loves Indian food and the other can’t stand it. Those are minor inconveniences you can expect along the way. But if you don’t share the same views on important topics to you, like family planning or politics, then it’s going to be an uphill battle for you both.

Financial goals, how to bring up children or what city you want to live in are all pretty big things, and if you can’t agree on them, then you’re heading for disaster. It’s not to say you can’t have a great relationship, but these are just signs you probably haven’t found your soulmate yet.

Question

What was the sign that made you realise you weren’t with “The One”?