These 15 questions work as a reality check: where you belong, what you would study, what you envy, what enough means and where you are lying to yourself, answered honestly every couple of years. The video calls this a secret tool used for decades. Every couple of years its makers go through the same questions as a reality check, and here they do it with you. Save them somewhere and answer them privately: what you reply is meant only for you.
Each question below comes with what it is meant to reveal, followed by a bonus that asks what you would think of yourself if you met you.
Watch the full video here, or skip to the breakdown below.
The 15 questions at a glance
- Do you feel like you belong where you are right now? What place is drawing you in? (0:28)
- If you could go to school over again without the pressure, where would you study and what would you study? (1:41)
- Which job would you really like, so that work would not feel like work? (2:51)
- What car do I think I am? What car do other people think I am? (3:54)
- Where would you retire, and what would retirement look like for you? (5:45)
- Who would you want as friends? (7:16)
- Who do you envy the most? (8:13)
- Which thing would you miss most if you lost it? (9:34)
- How am I lying to myself? (10:22)
- What does “enough” mean to me? (12:13)
- Who do I secretly crave the approval of? (13:21)
- What do I preach but not do? (14:17)
- What am I proud of? What am I secretly ashamed of? (15:22)
- What makes me happy? How can I do more of that? (16:55)
- Do I actually give it my all or just tell people I do? (18:20)
1. Do you feel like you belong where you are right now? What place is drawing you in?
This question shows how in tune your reality is with your aspirations. Some places feel like home, and some feel like swimming against the current. If you have not flourished, feel unwell or sense something is off, the soil may be the problem: the environment is not conducive to growth.
You will change over time, so ask it regularly. Maybe you have outgrown your surroundings, or a place has been calling you for years. While there is a gap between where you are and where you wish to be, the anxiety and unsettled feeling will not go away. Either make heaven of what you have or go find it somewhere else.
2. If you could go to school over again without the pressure, where would you study and what would you study?
Take a moment. Drop parents, society, the job market and the pressure to top the class. Picture real education: where would it happen, on an American campus or somewhere in Europe?
The question reveals deep interests and your passion for mastery, because this time you would choose a field to dedicate yourself to, surrounded by people who are your people. It points to a life of curiosity instead of a life of achievement, and the video suggests that is probably where your greatest contribution could have been. Take the first two questions seriously and change location, and you may get closer to your true self.
3. Which job would you really like, so that work would not feel like work?
The video dislikes the phrasing of what you would do if money were no object, because money rewards hard work, impact and solving problems. The best outcome is being paid very well for something you would do for free.
Picture a satisfaction-to-money graph. You want the quadrant where you have had an impact and touched people’s lives and never worry about money again. Avoid the bottom left, where your soul dies. In the good zone, work stops feeling like a chore you do to afford what is left when it ends and feels like dancing with destiny.
4. What car do I think I am? What car do other people think I am?
It sounds odd, but it is about personal brand: everyone around you has a perception of who you are. You might think you are a Ferrari while people see a Volvo, because your actions made them see one. They treat you as a Volvo, and you wonder why you are not treated like a Ferrari.
It is an identity question. Until your internal perception matches the external one, life feels uphill: people do not treat you right, opportunities elude you and reality does not match your potential. The framework suggested is called Circles to Triangles, taught by a personal branding expert on the Alux app.
5. Where would you retire, and what would retirement look like for you?
This question reveals location and daily activity. Life is made of small things, so environment has the biggest impact: what you see from the window, the walk to the shop, how much wellbeing sits within a 40-mile radius and how you spend your hours.
The video redefines retirement as the moment you stop trading today for an imaginary tomorrow. The common mistake is thinking in absolutes: work now, stop then. By then you have traded the good years and still have to work. Why not begin now, or at least add more retirement to your present? Retirement is not the end of purpose but its refinement, so start refining yours now.
6. Who would you want as friends?
Put more creatively: which podcasts do you listen to? Those are the friends you seek. Social media gives a window into other people’s lives, so list the people you would want to spend time with and ask why. What makes them cool or interesting?
In the process you identify traits you hold in high regard, your foundational values. You want these friends because they provide something missing within, whether company, a shared adventure or deep conversation about life.
7. Who do you envy the most?
Real envy signals that someone has something you not only want but believe you need, as if your pain would go away with it. It uncovers hidden aspirations, deep-seated insecurities and unmet needs, and it is less about what others have than about what you feel you lack.
The aha moment: you do not envy the whole person. You might envy Warren Buffett’s money but would not trade lives with a wealthy 93-year-old, or envy a celebrity’s fame but not their addictions and lack of privacy. Find the specific thing you envy and get the version that works for you.
8. Which thing would you miss most if you lost it?
Think of what would devastate you if it went away. For some it is a car, a morning coffee, a parent, a spouse or a child. Most of us never organize the big things in our lives by importance.
Ask deeply and you find your greatest treasure, and the gap between it and the next thing is often shocking. That is your wake-up call to prioritize it, and to stop giving everything else the same importance or urgency.
9. How am I lying to myself?
We lie because we dislike what the truth would do to us. Self-deception weaves tales that create a cocoon of comfort from a reality we do not want to face. The irony is that it is both a betrayal and an act of self-preservation, since a fragile ego invents its own truths for protection.
Every lie incurs a debt to the real truth that must be repaid. Take the stories you tell others about yourself, the fantasy that never materialized. You talk about what you will do, people are impressed and you feel the praise without the effort. Years later, you are seen as someone who only talks, and you feel like a fraud. Confront it in the mirror: the weight, the laziness, the thing you said you would do. The answer shows low-hanging fruit with immediate impact.
10. What does “enough” mean to me?
Satisfaction sits at the equilibrium between ambition and contentment. Chasing more after your needs are met harms your health and what matters, like a child who keeps eating chocolate until they collapse.
There is a Goldilocks zone where life is best lived. As the video puts it, at some point more money becomes too expensive. For some, enough is a number, for others a point in time. It is probably the most valuable piece of information you can find, an anchor in the future that keeps you from being swept away.
11. Who do I secretly crave the approval of?
Craving someone’s approval makes them an authority or a standard to measure yourself against. The approval you seek reveals either the identity you are trying to build or where power sits in a relationship.
The first is useful. The second means your worth sits outside your control, so dig deep to separate them and drop the latter. Approval from others is a poor substitute for self-acceptance; seek your own validation and you will not need it from anyone else.
12. What do I preach but not do?
We preach because it builds the identity we strive for, and it is easier to advise others than look inward. So simulate it: you walk into a room and the person you are sits in a chair. Knowing all you know, what advice do you give them, and what do you wish they followed through on?
Treat yourself as you would someone you are responsible for. You are the most important person in the mosaic of your life, and if you are not well you cannot take care of anyone else. Start doing one thing you preach. It takes under five minutes to begin and can snowball into a better life.
13. What am I proud of? What am I secretly ashamed of?
Have this one privately. Nobody is entitled to the depths of your soul. Think of a time you stood by your principles when the world wanted you to bend, or did what you said the right way. That hit of dopamine is an emotional feeling, your north star, so act in accordance with it.
Then there are the moments when nobody is watching and the mind wanders to something from your past that you wish you could forget, which lives rent-free in your head. One is an emotional high and the other an emotional low, and you live in between. Pride and shame are tools of self-reflection, and it helps to know how far your spectrum stretches.
14. What makes me happy? How can I do more of that?
This is probably the most actionable item. List the little things that make you happy. For the makers it is reading, watching a movie, reconnecting with old friends and taking the dog to a favourite coffee shop or bookstore.
Then use the list: in downtime, skip TikTok, Instagram and Netflix. Pick up one of the hundred books you bought and have not read, or call a friend for 10 to 15 minutes and smile for the rest of the day. They have done this deliberately since the start of the year. The video’s complaint is that algorithms are built to make us miserable and addicted, so choose from your list instead of defaulting to them.
15. Do I actually give it my all or just tell people I do?
This is a safe space. You know you could make a lot more progress at 100% of your ability, and between what you do now and 100% is a lot of room for growth. That gap is where dreams come true, and your current pace puts the growth years away.
Why wait a week to do something that takes a day? Why not make three years of progress in six months? Decisions compound, so the sooner you publish or hire, the more return you get. The video’s math: 20% more effort every month, compounded, is 9X the yearly outcome of doing what you do now. Find your extra 20%.
Bonus: what would you think of yourself if you met you?
Would you do business with someone like you? Date them? Trust your future to them? Other people ask these questions, and it may be time you asked them of yourself. The video’s blunt guess is that you probably would not like you.
The challenge is to find out why and fix it, not for anyone else, but because anything obvious enough for you to notice is holding you back. You owe it to your future self and your kids to be better than when you started reading this.
FAQ
What questions should I ask myself to know myself better?
Where you belong, what you would study, what you envy, what enough means, how you are lying to yourself, what you preach but do not do and what makes you happy are among the 15 covered.
How often should you do a self-reality check?
The makers go through these questions every couple of years, and suggest asking the location question regularly because you change over time.
What does envy tell you about yourself?
Real envy reveals hidden aspirations and unmet needs. The goal is to identify the specific thing you envy and find a version that works for your life.
How do you find out what enough means?
Look for the balance between ambition and contentment. For some enough is a number and for others a point in time; the video calls it the most valuable piece of information to find.
How much does 20% extra effort add up to?
The video says 20% more effort each month, compounded, produces about nine times the yearly outcome you would get from your current pace.
Keep reading
- 15 Questions To Ask Yourself When You’re Feeling Stuck in Life
- 15 Questions to Ask When Hiring (We Ask These at Alux)
- 15 Things You Should Know About Yourself (if You Want to Win at Life)
